Author: thecentrecannothold_dvfkiw

Scrutineer: The ’96 election is still hanging by a thread.¹The 1996 Federal Election was held on March 2. Keating’s ALP government was swept from power, losing 31 seats. At no point was the result in much doubt.
One tiny booth on Cleveland Street has not returned its choice.²In each performance of “Keating!”, the location of the booth is that of the theatre in which that night’s show is running.
Is it Keating, is it Howard? Let your verdict find its voice.

Band: (whisper) Keating, Keating, Keating!
Scrutineer: The same name just keeps repeating
Band: (louder) Keating, Keating, Keating!
Keating: I can feel my heart start beating
Band: (louder still) Keating, Keating, Keating!
Howard: No way! That’s wrong! That’s cheating!
Band: (Loudest) Keating, Keating, Keating, Keating, Keating, Keating, Keating!

Keating: I thought no victory could be sweeter
I thought no day could dawn so bright
I thank my lovely wife Annita
She’s been out the back all night.

Don’t need no glorious procession
Don’t need no streamers to be tossed
I just want to hear this man’s concession
Howard: Well I’m sorry… that I lost.³Historically, John Howard never apologizes for anything, something that caused him some embarrassment in 2008 when he made remarks that could be construed as an apology.
Keating: And I’m the boss…

‘Cos I am, I am the ruler of the land
They tell me I’m the man
Band: who da man?
Keating: who da man?
Band: you da man!
Keating: – yes I am.
I am the ruler of the land
They tell me I’m the man
Band: who da man?
Keating: who da man?
Band: you da man!
Keating: I am, I am, I am!
All: KEATING!
[PARTY POPPERS!]

Keating: They’re counting up the votes across Australia¹The 1996 Federal Election was held on March 2. Keating’s ALP government was swept from power, losing 31 seats.
And counting down the seconds of my years
I’ve seen quite a few elections
I know how to read projections
I can recognise a change when it appears
The people make the ultimate decisions
The system says they always get it right
Though it seems like half an hour
Since I stumbled into power
Now it’s time for me to say goodnight

But still I dream
of a country rich and clever
with compassion and endeavour
reaching out towards forever, and I’m still
dreaming of the light on the hill²‘The Light on the Hill‘ is the term used by the ALP to describe its ideals and intent: that of government as a guide and a shelter for those who need it. It was first used by Prime Minister Ben Chifley of the ALP in a speech in 1949.

You start off in your local council chambers
You fight and dream until you reach your prime
And if you should succeed
By the time you get to lead
You’re pretty much exhausted from the climb³When he first became Prime Minister, Keating was tired and worn out. He frequently commented that the opportunity had come too late for him during his first year at the top. But the fight against Hewson reinvigorated him.
You only get a moment in the penthouse
Before you find you’re standing on the sill
If you’re sunk in ham and gammon
When it turns from feast to famine
Then you’re lucky if you’ve had your fill

But still I dream
heads are high and hearts are heady
eyes are bright and clear and steady
full of promise that we’re ready to fulfil
I’m dreaming of the light on the hill

They’re counting up the votes across Australia
And this time it seems the verdict is severe
Swan, McEwen, Fadden, Dickson,
Bass and Paterson and Kingston⁴All of these names are those of electorates lost by the ALP in the 1996 election.
But it’s Oxley with the message loud and clear:⁵Oxley is another electorate lost by the ALP, in this case to independent Pauline Hanson. Hanson was infamous for her outspokenly racist views. She was not returned at the subsequent election.
Bring us back our comfy bloody country⁶This line refers back to the first song in the show, “My Right Hand-Man”, only now used with greater bitterness. It’s a play on “relaxed and comfortable” was a catchphrase of the Howard government dating from the 2004 election, which has rarely been used without irony since then.
Take us back to simple days of yore
Nothing alien or scary,⁷Both Pauline Hanson and John Howard would engage in a considerable amount of racist scare-mongering during Howard’s years in power, completely reversing Keating’s policy of engagement with Asia.
La-di-da or airy-fairy⁸In the words of Rodney Cavalier (historian, ALP politician and former NSW state minister:
“His ideas agenda based on the republic, native title, engagement with Asia and multiculturalism cut no ice with the electorate at large, especially core Labor voters. In various ways, these items were seen as being away with the fairies…“
Just put it back the way it was before

But still I dream
that the stars will be aligning
as our fates are intertwining
until every heart is shining with goodwill
shining like the light on the hill,
shining like the light on the hill.

Keating: Since we’ve been together, baby, what a ride we’ve had
A rollercoaster J-curve through the good times and the bad¹A J-Curve is a line on a graph that dips and then rises. Keating often claimed that the Australian economy was following such a curve during his Prime Ministership.
Now maybe you got the blues
But if you have to choose
Well choose me

Howard: You gave him your devotion and he treated you so cruel²The Liberal narrative at the 1996 election was that Keating had abandoned ‘the battlers’ to pursue his big picture agenda (i.e. the policies sung about in this musical). This was a hard accusation to refute.
You took him to the top and now he takes you for a fool
Why don’t you break it up?
It’s time to shake it up
and choose me

Howard: Dislocation, deprivation, well it’s more than you should stand
Keating: Working Nation, transformation, needs a sure and steady hand³Working Nation was the name of Keating’s policy statement going in to the 1996 election.
We’ll be smarter, it gets harder, but we’ve got to push on through
Howard: Don’t believe it? You don’t need it! What’s your country done for you?⁴‘What’s your country done for you‘ neatly inverts JFK’s call to ‘ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country‘ and encapsulates an unearned sense of entitlement all too common during the Howard years.

I’ll pick you pretty flowers, babe, and bring ‘em to your door
Keating: Am I the only one to whom that promise sounds non-core?⁵Howard famously attempted to explain a broken election promise as a ‘non-core’ promise. It is indicative of the cowardice of both politicians and media in Australia that Howard was not brought to a screaming halt every time he opened his mouth in the subsequent election campaign by being asked whether the promises he was making were core or non-core.
Howard: No, I always tell the truth
Keating: I think we need some proof
Keating/Howard: So choose me
Keating: We had trouble, burst our bubble, but recovery is here
Howard: I don’t trust it, he’ll just bust it, gonna prick your brick veneer⁶Howard’s line going into the election was that Keating had delivered “five minutes of economic sunshine”.
Keating: Honest Johnny, later we’re all gonna see that GST?
Howard: No I swear it, I declare it that will never ever be!⁷Howard had promised never to introduce a GST:
Howard: There’s no way that a GST will ever be part of our policy.
Journalist: Never ever?
Howard: Never ever. It’s dead. It was killed by the voters in the last election.
Naturally, it quickly made a comeback once he was elected.
Keating: So tell me truly, people, is it him or is it me?
Howard: Take a lolly, baby, think it over carefully
Keating/Howard: ‘Cos now it’s up to you
Whatever you want to do…
But choose me.
Choose me
Choose me
Choose me
Choose me
Choose me
Choose me
Choose me
Choose meeeeeeeeee

Howard: Hang on a tick, just let me talk¹‘Just let me talk’ is practically a catchphrase of Howard’s – it tends to come out whenever he’s under fire in an interview.
‘Cos you can tell by the way I use my walk²‘You can tell by the way I use my walk’ is the first line of the Bee Gees’ classic ‘Stayin’ Alive’.
I’m just a bloke, a normal bloke, and nothin’ more
I’ve got my home, I’ve got my health
I’ve got my lovely wife and kids, I’ve got no tickets on myself
I’m just a bloke, an Aussie bloke, to the core

So you know that I’d be grateful to the nation at large
If you thought it was appropriate to put me in charge
Band/Howard: of the Mateship – Anchors aweigh!
Howard: We’ve decided you’re invited to stay
Band/Howard: on the Mateship – Welcome aboard!
Howard: We could find a better kind of accord, uh-huh-huh³The Accord (in full, the Prices and Incomes Accord), was a series of agreements between the ALP and the ACTU. In essence, the government pledged to minimise inflation and price rises and the unions were to restrict wage claims and industrial action. The Accord was a factor in the low unemployment figures under the Hawke government.

Well I can jibe, and I can tack
So let the skipper take the clipper to Gallipoli and back⁴Howard was quick to go to war in 2003, and frequently referred to the ANZAC campaign at Gallipoli in 1915. He himself has never served a day in uniform, of course.
I’ll be a bloke, an Aussie bloke, with digger pride
We wouldn’t mix with other crews
We won’t consult with any cult promoting multiple views⁵Howard was happy to consult with several right wing religious groups, notably Hillsong and the Exclusive Brethren – all groups noted for the singular nature of their views.
We’ll just be blokes. Dinkum blokes. Bonafide.

And I’d look to the community defending the land
If you took the opportunity to give me command
Band/Howard: of the Mateship – Hoisting the sail!
Howard: Never throw a baby over the rail⁶The ‘Baby Overboard’ incident occurred in 2001. The MV Tampa, a refugee carrying ship of Norwegian registration, entered Australian waters. It was stopped by Australian naval vessels, at which time, it was alleged, one refugee threw their baby overboard. This claim was later disproven, but not before it had been repeated by Howard and a number of his ministers, and received a great deal of media attention. Howard rode a combination of this scare-mongering and that related to the 9/11 attacks to victory in the 2001 election.
Band/Howard: on the Mateship – Flying the flag!
Howard: You’ll be clamouring to carry a swag, uh-huh-huh

Band / Howard: Mates would die for a mate
Mates are worth their weight in gold
Mates can rely on a mate
Howard: So I’m told…⁷Howard was widely believed to lack strong personal relationships and other friendships.

Now I’m a man, I’m not a boy
When they say Aussie Aussie Aussie I say oy oy oy
like any bloke, a rugged bloke, pretty tough
It’s catching on, it’s all the rage
Why even now I look around and see no women on the stage
Only blokes, Aussie blokes,
Bass Player: Hey! I’m a Kiwi⁸Australia has a long history of claiming New Zealanders as their own, but only the really talented and/or famous ones. Which is why Tim Finn is from New Zealand, but Neil Finn is Australian. In addition, this line had an extra layer of resonance for the band because the bassist, Eden Ottignon, was indeed a proud New Zealander, as he is quick to point out here.
Howard: close enough.

You could dwell upon tomorrow and the sorrow you feel⁹Howard was dismissive of what he saw as Keating’s “black armband” view of history.
Or set a course for yesterday and give me the wheel
Band/Howard: of the Mateship – Rounding the buoy!
Howard: No political correctness ahoy
Band/Howard: on the Mateship – Anchors aweigh!
Howard: We’ll decide if you’re invited to stay¹⁰In the course of the Tampa incident, Liberal election advertising proclaimed that “We decide who comes into this country, and the circumstances in which they come.”
On the Mateship…
on the Mateship…

Howard: I was an angel in the beginning:¹John Howard was a Liberal politician who had previously served as Treasurer under Malcolm Fraser. He succeeded Downer as Leader of the Opposition.
I thought of playing, but not of winning
So frail and weak, so meek and mild,
I was the world’s most agreeable child
I had my share of schoolyard beatings
I made my fair and frightened bleatings
But I began to understand
What they held in their bullying hands…

I want power! I want power!
I want to smell my own ambition in flower!
I want a sense of domination and control!
I want to bat! I want to bowl!²Wanting to bat or bowl regardless of one’s team’s current disposition is a well-known characteristic of control-freak cricket players everywhere. Wanting to do both at once is a level of control addiction unfortunately common in politics.

I want power! I want power!
The kind where servant-girls bring tributes by the hour!
And I won’t rest until I rule the school!
Then I’ll be hip, then I’ll be cool.

Band: You’ll be empowered, John Winston Howard
Howard: Not a single soul alive to call me coward!
Band: You’ll be the big big cheese
Howard: I won’t say sorry, I won’t say please!
Band: You’ll be empowered, John Winston Howard
Howard: They’ll pay for every time I scraped and bowed and cowered
I’ll do what must be done
To make John Howard number one!
Band: Number one!

Howard: At university I took my hisses
My slings and brickbats, my hits and misses
But ev’ry moment mocked and cursed
Increased my hunger, increased my thirst
And so the party fed my ambition
They let me lead the Opposition
They let me lead, then tore me down³Howard was Leader of the Opposition from 1985 to 1989, and led the party to defeat in the 1987 federal election.
But that won’t happen this time around…⁴Howard had decided after 1989 that the only way he would return to the leadership was if the party asked him to, rather than going through the division of a leadership struggle. The retirement of his longtime foe in the party, Andrew Peacock, was also a factor in his rise.

I want power! I want power!
Not just to sit in Opposition and glower!
I want to turn this mother loose!
Show me the money! Give me the juice!⁵“Show me the money” was a catchphrase of Cuba Gooding Jnr.’s character in the 1996 movie Jerry Maguire.
I want power! I want power!
I’ll give Australia a gorgeous golden shower
And I won’t rest until I rule!
Then I’ll be cool, then I’ll be cruel.

Band: You’ll be empowered, John Winston Howard
Howard: I’ll show that Keating joker how his grapes have soured
Band: You’ll be the man in charge
Howard: I’ll go ballistic, I’m livin’ large!
Band: You’ll be empowered, John Winston Howard
Howard: With a biography by Pru and David Goward⁶Pru Goward and her husband David Barnett’s book, “John Howard, Prime Minister“ was released in 1997, and thus covered virtually none of the time he actually was the Prime Minister.

And when it comes to be…
I’ll make the bastards bow to me!
And when it comes to be…
BOW TO ME!