Author: thecentrecannothold_dvfkiw

Keating: There’s a tale I heard, of an island man¹Eddie Koiki Mabo was a Torres Strait Islander who became famous in Australian history for his role in campaigning for indigenous land rights and for his role in a landmark decision of the High Court of Australia that overturned the legal fiction of terra nullius which characterised Australian law with regards to land and title.
Tough and undeterred, he said “Haven’t you heard?
“This land: our land!”
We belong
That’s what the High Court said²Mabo v Queensland (No 2) (commonly known as Mabo) was a landmark Australian court case which was decided by the High Court of Australia on June 3, 1992. The effective result of the judgement was to make irrelevant the declaration of terra nullius, or “land belonging to no-one” which had been taken to occur from the commencement British colonisation in 1788, and to recognise a form of Native Title.
So when you sing this song,
You gotta sing it for Ed.
For Eddie.
Ready?
Band: Ready!

Band: Mabo! Mabo! Mabo!
Keating: What’s that name?
Band: Mabo!³In case it’s not clear:
This is a song about a man named Mabo, composed and performed in the style of a Mambo, hence the awkward title of the song.
Keating: For the Meriam people⁴The Meriam people are a tribe of Torres Strait Islanders who occupy Mer (Murray Island). Traditionally, they live through fishing and farming.
Band: Mabo!
Keating: it was very unequal
Band: Mabo!
Keating: Was it totally legal? Oh no!
Here we go. Oh oh

Band: Mabo! Mabo! Mabo!
Keating: And here it comes again.
Band: Mabo!
Keating: Native title⁵The Native Title Bill was introduced to Parliament by Keating in June 1993. After amendments by the Greens and Democrats, it finally passed the Senate on December 21 of that year.
Band: Mabo!
Keating: It’s alive and vital!
Band: Mabo!
Keating: Speak the truth and make it so!

And if we follow this philosophy
Demand a land beyond compare
Then girt by faith and generosity
We’ll all combine to redefine a beauty rich and rare
In joyful strains then let us sing: Advance Australia…⁶‘Advance Australia Fair’ is the national anthem of Australia. The last three lines of this song all paraphrase lines from it – but then the music shifts to a reprise of “The Beginning is the End” signalling the transition into the next song…

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Keating: And now
We’re living in a great creative nation
Yet we wait somehow
The battle for the country can’t be won
Until we understand
How well we know our land
How much we hide our shame
Or dare to speak its name
Band: Redfern…

Keating: And here
We wander through the midst of this
And wish that it would disappear
As if it’s only locally created
Insulated pain
A shadow and a stain
A hurt we can’t reveal
A cut too deep to heal
Band: Redfern…

Keating: But oh, I know we can succeed
We can’t afford to fail
And justice must prevail
And oh, I’m sure it will indeed
With everything we share
We know it’s only fair

To begin
I think we oughta show contrition.
Recognition of our sin
And wonder how we had the gall
To think it was all OK
And never thought to say
“How angry would I be
If this were done to me?”
Band: Redfern…

Keating: But oh, I know we can succeed
We can’t afford to fail
And justice must prevail
And oh, I’m sure it will indeed
With everything we share
We know it’s only fair…
Oh yeah!
RRAAH !!!!

Gareth Evans: It’s always the same, whenever she walks by
My face is aflame, and my mouth goes dry
My pulse is racing, and my heart goes pit-a-pat
And I yearn for Cheryl Kernot, Democrat¹Senator Cheryl Kernot was the leader of the Australian Democrats from 1993 through to 1997, when she abruptly defected to the ALP. Her affair with Gareth Evans, which began during the Keating years, did not come to the public’s knowledge until well after the downfall of the Keating government, but is widely believed to have affected Evans’ judgement while he served in the Keating government.

Cheryl Kernot: Ever since I was young, just a little girl
I’ve been wanting someone to show me the world.
And he’s done everything and he’s been everywhere
He’s Gareth Evans, my Foreign Affair²Senator Gareth Evans was indeed Minister for Foreign Affairs under the Keating government, in addition to being the head of the ALP in the upper house.

Gareth Evans: My heart’s in peril, Cheryl
Surely I will fall
Cheryl Kernot: Heavens, Mister Evans
How I tremble at your call
Gareth & Cheryl: But we owe it to our parties to try to break that spell
Cheryl Kernot: And also, aren’t you married?
Gareth Evans: Yes I am – that as well!³Both Evans and Kernot were married, although Kernot has since divorced.

You get under my skin like no woman before
And by the bear on my chin I swear: I want more!
You’re an innocent soul, idealistic and free
But baby, baby, won’t you give your preference to me?

Cheryl Kernot:: So seductive and strong – you’re a party machine
Though I know that it’s wrong, I’m a little too green⁴The Australian Democrats were traditionally a left wing party, especially in environmental matters

Gareth Evans: You’re such a lady of light!
Cheryl Kernot: Such a powerful brute!⁵How much of a brute Evans may have been is unclear; however, Gareth Evans is known to have been the first person to say “fuck” in the Senate. (Or at least, the first to be recorded saying “fuck” in Hansard.)
Gareth & Cheryl: Such a thrill to nibble on forbidden fruit!

Gareth Evans: My heart’s in peril, Cheryl
Lovin’ you so much
Cheryl Kernot: Heavens, Mister Evans
How I tingle at your touch
Gareth & Cheryl: We’re equally enamoured, but differently aligned
Gareth Evans: And also, aren’t you married?
Cheryl Kernot: Yes I am
Gareth Evans: As am I!
Gareth & Cheryl: Never mind!
Why – i – yi – i -yi – i – yi?⁶The relationship between Kernot and Evans ended in 1999, the same year that Evans left Parliament. Kernot would hold her seat of Dickson until 2001, when she was ousted by the Liberal Party’s Peter Dutton.
Gareth Evans: Oh Cheryl…
Cheryl Kernot: Gareth…⁷The bespectacled blonde woman seen laughing in the audience at various points during this song on the DVD version is the actual Cheryl Kernot.

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Downer: Look at me, I’m Alexander D.¹Alexander Downer was (briefly) Leader of the Opposition from May 23, 1994 to January 26, 1995. He was sufficiently ineffective in the role that he was replaced by his party before he could lead them in an election campaign. In addition, this line directly homages the song “Look at Me, I’m Sandra Dee” from the musical Grease.
Opposition Leader – now how’d that come to be?²Downer became leader mostly because Peter Costello drove his campaign, in exchange for the number two spot. Later, Costello would make a similar deal with Howard.
No idea, I woke up and I was here
Lookin’ like a superstar and feelin’ queer.³Downer once wore fishnets to raise money for charity (in 1996). In the musical, he appears dressed in a manner reminiscent of Dr Frank-N-Furter from the “Rocky Horror Picture Show”.
Old money – and I’m a master of debate⁴Downer is a third generation politician. His father, Sir Alec Downer, also reached cabinet rank in federal politics, then was High Commissioner in London from 1964 to 1972. His grandfather, Sir John Downer, was twice Premier of South Australia and a Senator in the first federal Parliament in 1901. Downer himself was noted for his debating skills in his earlier years – he did less well in the rough and tumble of Parliament.
Five minutes – and I might just meet my fate⁵Downer’s time as leader would be short, but later on during his tenure as Australia’s High Commissioner in London, he would become a subject of great interest to Qanon conspiracy theorists, as it was alleged that information he provided caused the FBI to open a counterintelligence investigation into Russia’s attempts to disrupt the 2016 US Presidential election, and whether there was any involvement by Trump or his people.

‘Cos I’m too freaky
I’m a greasy-cheeked freak
I’m a leader of tomorrow,
But I won’t be ‘round next week
‘Cos I’m too freaky (too freaky)
Twisted to the bone
And I’m thinkin’ that I’m sinkin’ like a stone…

But it’s a chance in a million
That’s put me in this place
It’s destiny that you and me
should square off face to face
Keating: Well that’s lovely, Alexander,
and may the best man win
Downer: Ah, fuck me, I’ve got Buckley’s⁶William Buckley (1780 – January 30, 1856) was an English convict who was transported to Australia, escaped, was given up for dead and lived in an Aboriginal community for many years. Buckley’s improbable survival is believed by many Australians to be the source of the vernacular phrase “Buckley’s chance” (or simply “Buckley’s”), which means “no chance”, or “it’s as good as impossible”. Another possible source of this phrase is a pun off the name of department store, Buckley & Nunn. in the state I’m in –
Pull the pin!
Too Freaky
Band: Too Freaky

Look at you, you don’t know what to do
Never thought a man could be so Lib’ral through and through
Yes I know, they wanna drag me back below
But I’ve got the things that batter⁷The Liberal party slogan at this time was: “The Things That Matter” and Downer once joked that the party’s domestic violence policy would accordingly be named the “things that batter”, referring to abusive husbands. This was only the best known of his numerous gaffes.
Band: Matter –
Downer: Oh bugger! – here I go now!
I’m way loony – I’m like Screamin’ Lord Sutch⁸Screaming Lord Sutch, 3rd Earl of Harrow, born David Edward Sutch (10 November 1940 – 16 June 1999) was an English musician and aspirant politician, and founder of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party.
They’ll screw me –
I’m just much much much much much much much much
much much much much much much much much…
much too freaky

‘Cos I’m too freaky
I’m a greasy-cheeked freak
I’m a leader of tomorrow,
But I won’t be ‘round next week
‘Cos I’m too freaky (too freaky)
Band: too freaky
Downer: utterly defiled
C’mon, Australia, let’s get wild, wild, WILD!

I’m too freaky…
Band: Oohh too freaky
Downer: Oh my lord, I’m too freaky
Band: He’s so freaky
Downer: T-t-twisted to the bone
Band: He’s really freaky
Downer: Oh my lord, I’m too freaky,
Band: Freaky
Downer: Freaky
Band: Freaky
Downer: Freaky
Downer: (Whispers) FREAKY!

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Evans: Another morning in the PMC¹PMC = Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet
We’ve got the latest on the CAD²CAD = Current Account Deficit
It’s only four percent of GDP³GDP = Gross Domestic Product
But it’s causing little tremors at the NAB⁴NAB = National Australia Bank

You want your funding for the AME?⁵AME = Australian Multimedia Enterprise
The AME was a particular favourite of Keating’s, but was forever being sidelined in favour of more urgent projects. The internet revolution that was just starting in Keating’s years as PM went on to leave Australia somewhat behind in the years that followed.
We’ll have to sneak it past the ERC⁶ERC = Expenditure Review Committee
And the PMO⁷PMO = Prime Minister’s Office observers of the GNE⁸GNE = Gross National Expenditure are nervous
It’s another day of service in the ALP⁹ALP = Australian Labor Party. The party led by Keating.

Keating: My land is burning with bureaucracy, too scared to contemplate its worth
Inert and dreaming of democracy
Too struck by sun
To get things done
At the arse end of the Earth¹⁰In his memoir, published in 1994 while Keating was still PM, Bob Hawke alleged that Keating referred to Australia as The Arse End of the World and claimed that if he were not made leader he’d be quit of it soon – which was widely seen as ‘proof’ of Keating’s lack of patriotism. Whether or not Keating said this, it does sound like his idiom.

Evans: Another morning in the monarchy
We’ve got the model from the RAC¹¹RAC = Republican Advisory Committee. The group organised by Keating to evaluate what an Australian republic might look like.
About as minimal as it can be
But you might have blown your chances for an OBE¹²OBE = Order of the British Empire, a well-known decoration often bestowed on its more loyal servants by the Crown.

They’re gonna try to pull the train off track
They’re lining up to fly the Union Jack¹³The Union Jack is the official flag of the United Kingdom. Keating’s conservative opponents were quick to complain about his perceived disrespect toward the Queen, provoking Keating’s sarcastic response:
“I should never have made that remark about independence to the Queen of this continent. I should have had more respect. How dare I even reflect modestly on the British bootstraps stuff?”
With the tyranny of distance¹⁴‘Tyranny of Distance: How Distance Shaped Australia’s History’ is the title of an influential book on Australian history written by Geoffrey Blainey. Its central thesis was the history of Australia was largely shaped by how very far away it was from Europe, especially Britain.
The path of least resistance
And you gave the Queen assistance when you goosed her back¹⁵During a Royal visit to Australia, Keating allegedly touched the Queen’s back – an incident which conservative elements of the media and politics in both the UK and Australia reacted to as if he had defiled some sacred item.

Keating: We have one golden opportunity to see our brand new flag unfurled¹⁶Keating in Parliament on 28/4/92:
I am proud of Australia. It is not Britain. We are not British. We are Australians. That is the point. Honourable members opposite do not understand that this is the Australian nation; this is not the British nation. They can never grasp it. They could not grasp it in the Second World War. Menzies, their founder, tried to separate and distinguish Britain’s interests from those of Australia and, in the end, could not. Curtin, free of any pangs of loyalty to Britain, brought the troops home. This the Liberal Party’s founder called a blunder. To bring our troops back from the Middle East to defend our continent from a Japanese invasion, Menzies called a blunder…
At some stage when Australia has a flag of its own, unambiguously Australian, people will look back on these debates in Hansard and they will giggle at the remarks of the honourable member for Bennelong (Howard) and the remarks of the Leader of the Opposition (Hewson), just as today we giggle at the ones made in 1943. The fact is that those opposite do not comprehend the notion of nationhood; they do not advance our nationhood; they have never understood it; they have always thought it subordinate and derivative. It is not, and it never will be while ever the flag of Labor flies in this country.
To rise with shining eyes in unity
It’s hard to stand
With heads in sand
At the arse end of the world

Keating / Evans: We can move this world
We can change this place
Shifting inch by inch¹⁷Keating’s early experiences in Parliament and observations of the bureaucracy left him with the sense that incrementalism was the favoured way to make changes by most of his predecessors. As the song suggests, it was not a method he himself favoured – he once commented that “The great curse of modern political life is incrementalism.”
At a glacial pace
Take it step by step
Build it brick by brick
Important innovations
And delicate equations
I’m running out of patience, can we make this quick?
Quick, quick, quick, quick…

Evans: Another morning in the ACT¹⁸ACT = Australian Captial Territory, the area of Australia where Canberra, the national capital, is located.
Remind Australia that we’re young and free¹⁹The first two lines of Australia’s national anthem, Advance Australia Fair, are: ‘Australians all let us rejoice, for we are young and free’.
But every channel seems to disagree
With the possible exception of the ABC²⁰ABC = Australian Broadcasting Corporation, a government funded channel which has tended over the years to be one of the harshest critics of sitting governments in the Australian media. The three notes that are played after this line are a take on a longtime station identity theme used by the ABC.

We’re getting hammered by the tabloid press
We must be pissing Rupert off, I guess²¹Rupert is Rupert Murdoch; basically Satan if Satan owned numerous conservative media outlets in Australia, the UK and the US including Fox News, and had fewer scuples.
‘Cos they’re calling us elitist and the polling is defeatist
So we hope that every street is watching SBS – oh yes! – oh yes!²²SBS = Special Broadcasting Service, a government-funded channel that specialises in programming aimed at non-English speakers. It was originally a Hawke-era initiative, but also a notable favourite of Keating, who presided over a considerable expansion of its services during his years as PM.

Keating: We hear the siren song of destiny, a call to rapturous rebirth²³In his Australia Day 1992 speech, Keating stated his belief that “we must re-make Australia”.
Keating: We dare to recognise our history²⁴On ANZAC Day 1992, Keating visited the site of the Kokoda Memorial in Papue New Guinea. He made a speech in which he called for a re-evaluation of the comparative importance of Gallipolli and Kokoda to the nation, its history and its sense of self.
On December 10 of the same year, he made his famous Redfern speech about race relations in Australia – for more information about that, see the song of the same name.
The future’s bright
For black and white
At the arse end of the Earth
Keating / Evans: What better place to make your base than the arse – end – of – the – Earth?

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Kerry O’Brien is one of Australia’s most respected journalists – a six time Walkley Award winner, long time host of The 7:30 Report and for years ABC’s host of each election night special. After his retirement, he wrote a biography of Keating.

Robert Ray was an ALP Senator for Victoria from 1981 through to 2008. Notably, at the time of the 1993 election – and throughout the entire Keating Prime Ministership – he was Minister for Defence.
Not coincidentally, he is positioned to the left of O’Brien (from the audience’s perspective).

Michael Kroger is a long time power-broker in the Liberal Party, who served as President of the Victorian division of the party from 1987 to 1992 and has remained active in the party ever since. He expected a victory for his party in 1993, which is illustrated in the musical by his expression after the election results are called.
Also not coincidentally, he is positioned to the right of O’Brien (from the audience’s perspective).

Antony Green is the most trusted man in Australian politics, and the reason why anyone in Australia knows what a psephologist is. Widely regarded as a national treasure, he was the staff psephologist at the ABC from 1991 until his retirement in 2025. The 1993 election was the first Federal Election of his career, and he treated it with would be become widely known and respected as his trademark caution and non-partisanship in calling election results.

Keating: I’ve been out there pacing
Bracing for defeat
Ready to be roasted
And I felt that demon heat
But I got lifted
When I thought that I would fall.¹Keating’s 1993 election victory was one that many considered unwinnable for the ALP. Not only did Keating win, but the ALP actually increased its lower house majority from the 1990 election by two seats.
Now this feels like the sweetest victory of all.²Keating’s acceptance speech:
“Well, this is the sweetest victory of all, this is the sweetest. This is a victory for the true believers, the people who in difficult times have kept the faith and to the Australian people going through hard times, it makes their act of faith all that much greater.”

I never felt too comfy
Up there on the top
I felt like Humpty Dumpty³Humpty Dumpty is, of course, a children’s nursery rhyme character: an animate egg who falls to the ground and shatters irretrievably.
and I was waiting for the drop

But I got lifted
I’m floating high above the wall
Now this feels like the sweetest victory of all.

I thank my wife and son and daughters
My faithful supporters
You kept my team full of steam
I thank the people of the nation
For their validation
Keep on believing in the dream

You know that I’ve been wishin’
I had a second shot
Thanks to your decision
That’s exactly what I got
And I got lifted
Now I hear my country call
Band: We want Paul, We want Paul!
Keating: Now this feels like the sweetest victory
Now it seems like y’all wanna stick to me
Now this feels like the sweetest victory of all

Band: We want Paul! We want Paul!⁴The chant of ‘We want Paul’ and Keating’s response, ‘You got him’ both took place as Keating emerged to make his victory speech that night.
Keating: You got him!
Band: We want Paul! We want Paul!
Keating: Yeah, I’m right here
Band: We want Paul! We want Paul!
Keating: Now this feels like the sweetest victory of ALL!

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Hewson: Dr Who? Doctor Hewson!¹Dr John Robert Hewson was elected to Parliament in 1987, and became leader of the Liberal Party on April 3, 1990 after Andrew Peacock led the party to defeat in that year’s election. Also, the music that plays just before he sings is the distinctive opening riff of the “Dr Who” theme music.
Sit up straight when I’m talkin’ to you, son
The magical might from the radical right²Hewson’s policy perspective, especially in economics, was from the far right of the Liberal Party. Hewson was an outspoken admirer of Margaret Thatcher’s economic policies.
I’m gonna light up the night with a scheme and a dream so bright
so sit right back while we bite back
This is called Fightback! – me and my G on the right track³Fightback! was the name of Hewson’s radical economic policy package, released on November 21, 1991, whose key elements were the introduction of a consumption tax called the goods and services tax (GST), the compensatory abolition of a range of other taxes such as sales tax, deep cuts in income tax for the middle and upper-middle classes, and increases in pensions and benefits to compensate the poor for the rise in prices flowing from the GST.
And we don’t stop ‘til we get our way: G – S – T – O – K!
Band/Hewson: Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho!

Keating: G – S – T? This is what you call salvation?
To whack taxation over the nation?
This is the bright new plan you bring?
Fifteen percent on everything?

I was a stick-up kid for the capital gains⁴Historically, a GST was first proposed in Australia by Keating himself in 1985. However, by 1991, the problems with a GST had become apparent after its implementation in Canada, and Keating, along with a majority of Australians, had turned against the idea.
But the feeling wanes when you grow some brains!
Poor law, so my homies say: G – S – T – no – way!
Band/Keating: Nay! No! Nay! No! Nay! No! Nay! No!

Hewson: We’re twenty points up, we’re off the charts!
We don’t need you and your bleeding hearts!
The poor and sick’ll have a trickle to suck⁵‘Trickle-Down’ economics is another name given to the style espoused by Hewson. The idea is that tax cuts for the wealthier will lead to capital investment, benefiting the economy as a whole. It is, of course, unmitigated crap, and has failed in every country where it has been attempted.
but if you give ‘em a hand, they might drag you down into the muck!⁶One of Keating’s rebuttals of Hewson’s policies was what became known as the ‘Caring Arm’ speech, the main thrust of which was support for the welfare and other low-income group support policies that Hewson wanted to gut. Hewson’s “you give ’em a hand, they might drag you down into the muck” is a paraphrase of Keating’s paraphrase(!) of Hewson’s statement in Parliament on 20 August 1992: “I remember you saying not long ago that when they fall off the pace you will reach back and pull them up. What you mean is that you will pull everyone else down to the lowest common denominator.” Keating adroitly rephrased it to highlight the unkind, less egalitarian implications of the phrase: “that if you lean down and put an arm out to people in this country who are not as well off and who deserve support it will drag the rest of us down”.
That’s why you were born to lose,
you get stuck in the shit in your shiny shoes,
and that’s why you’re gonna get blown away:
‘cos you can’t play like Doctor J!
You can’t play like Doctor J⁷Julius Erving, a.k.a. Dr J, was a US basketball star of the seventies, acknowleged as one of the game’s all time greats. “You can’t play like Dr,. J” was a well-known catchphrase of his.
Band: You can’t play like Doctor J
Hewson: You can’t play like Doctor J
Band: You can’t play like Doctor J

Keating: Oh no! They sent the Doctor to get us!
It’s like being flogged with warm lettuce and cabbages!⁸Keating (as treasurer) on Hewson (as shadow treasurer) in Parliament, 31/10/89.
The feral abacus! Come to savage us!⁹Keating’s nickname for Hewson in the wake of the proposed GST, in Parliament, 19/8/92 – “This is only zealotry. This is the feral abacus at his best. This is the notion, the bean counter, where basically, again, people do not matter.”
He must be ravenous! Ravenous!
Mister Mediocrity¹⁰Keating on Hewson – “I’d put him in the same class as the rest of them: mediocrity.” from the Bunyip Aristocracy¹¹The Bunyip Aristocracy line was actually Keating on Andrew Peacock, in Parliament, 7/12/83: “He is part of the bunyip aristocracy, a remnant of the failed upper class, one of the crowd who reside in Melbourne and govern Australia. He is supposed to be let off while the rest of us are supposed to pay the penalty.” The term caught on, and is applied to all those members of the Liberal Party in particular who seem to think they’re members of the British aristocracy.
The Member for Wentworth should be in bed,
He’s like a lizard on a rock – alive, but lookin’ dead.¹²From this exchange in Parliament, 14/11/86:
Keating: Yesterday, on another personal matter against me, we had old dozy over there, the honourable member for Wentworth, up on a question about the VIP flights–
Carlton: Madam Speaker, I take a point of order. I would have thought that personal abuse was uncalled for. Madam Speaker, I ask that you ask the Treasurer to withdraw.
Speaker: I did not hear what the Treasurer said. I ask him to withdraw it if it is offensive.
Keating: I was implying that the honourable member for Wentworth was like a lizard on a rock-alive, but looking dead.
Old Dozy knows when I’ve got ‘im,
He always turns around when I drop one on ‘im,
It’s somethin’ he can’t psychologically handle¹³Keating on Hewson: “He always turns around when I drop one on him. He can’t psychologically handle it.”
Him and his band of constitutional vandals,¹⁴Keating in Parliament, 8/3/84: “So Opposition members should not come that tawdry line with us. The fact is that they are the thugs of Australian politics. They are the constitutional vandals of Australia. They are greedy for power. They would rip up the Constitution, attack any convention or any individual to get their own way.”
Drones¹⁵Keating assailed by interjections in Parliament, 26/5/1983 – “Mr Deputy Speaker, can I get some protection from the drones on the back benches?” and pansies¹⁶Not actually about the Liberal Party; directed (in the sense of collateral damage) at the Democrats and their fellow senators. Keating in Parliament, 5/11/92: “This Party of ours absolutely opposes the GST as an inequitable, unuseful and totally unfair tax. But let us not hide behind this indignation about these pansies in the Senate.”, frauds¹⁷Keating in Parliament, 28/10/82 – “Yet honourable members opposite use this argument about smearing. They have smeared people for years. They have always regarded themselves as having a God-given right to run Australia and now, like a lot of lackeys, they are trying to protect the people behind them in the establishment who have had their fingers in the public till. They are trying to protect reputations that such people do not deserve. We are about exposing them for the frauds that they are.” and mugs¹⁸Keating in Parliament, 21/9/85 – “Honourable members opposite, as members of the so-called party of managers, may think that they have the allegiance of business in this country; they do not. Business thinks that they are mugs and hillbillies; and it is right.”
Blackguards¹⁹Keating in Parliament, 16/9/85 – “The people have a very clear choice to make at the next election-to have a party in government with some decency and guts or the blackguards on the front bench of the Opposition.”, harlots²⁰Keating in Parliament, 14/5/85 – “While all the fiscal and tax harlots opposite jump on the boat of opportunism they will be left in the gutter of fiscal irresponsibility from whence they came and where they belong.”, pigs²¹Keating in Parliament, 12/11/85 – “They were running a swill of an economy… a pigsty, and that was the limit of their capacity.” and thugs,²²Keating in Parliament, 8/3/84: “So Opposition members should not come that tawdry line with us. The fact is that they are the thugs of Australian politics. They are the constitutional vandals of Australia. They are greedy for power. They would rip up the Constitution, attack any convention or any individual to get their own way.”
You mindless²³Keating in Parliament, 11/11/86 – “These are the absolute gutter tactics of a mindless, useless, idealist, unprincipled Opposition.” stupid foul-mouthed grubs²⁴Keating to Wilson Tuckey in Parliament, 19/2/86.
You couldn’t even raffle a chook in a pub!²⁵Keating in Parliament, 16/9/86 – “Yet Opposition members talk about the Opposition’s credentials and how it advises the Government. The Opposition crowd could not raffle a duck in a pub.”
Barnyard bullies²⁶actually about the National Party leadership, Keating in Parliament 3/11/83 – “In the meantime, the barnyard bullies, the Leader of the National Party and his deputy…”, crims and ghouls²⁷on the Nationals again, in Parliament 3/11/83 – “Meanwhile, the ghouls of the National Party of Australia sit beside the Liberal Party members in this House, hoping for the day of the great rapprochement between the conservative parties: The bushrangers get together with the city slickers.”, dullards²⁸Keating in Parliament, 16/10/85 – “It has not penetrated the dullards on the other side of the House that a business or government can still entertain, but at its own cost.”, dimwits,²⁹Keating in Parliament, 21/11/85 – “How thick these people are! We can actually publish these numbers and discuss them for weeks and months, yet these dummies and dimwits opposite cannot understand what we are saying to them.”
Ninnies³⁰Keating in Parliament, 27/3/85 – “The ninnies opposite may laugh, but basically the members of the Opposition have not got a serious thought in their heads about trying to run an economic policy.”, clowns³¹Keating and fools³¹Keating in Parliament, 8/3/84 – “It is our role as the Government of Australia to protect the High Court of Australia against lunatics and fools like members of the Opposition who would put the whole constitutional fabric of Australia at risk.” and born-to-rules,³²Keating in Parliament, 26/3/87 – “The Opposition has never cared about ordinary Australians. It has always been the party born to rule-the born to rule squad out there to run the rest of us. The only place where the Opposition got into trouble is that a few of us on this side of the House think that we are born to rule the Opposition. And we are doing a pretty good job of it, and we will keep on doing a pretty good job of it.”
Over here we’re born to rule you,
You dishonest crew³³Keating in Parliament, 11/11/86 – “The Opposition is such a motley, dishonest crew.”, you almost make me spew!³⁴Keating in Parliament, 17/9/85 – “What really amuses me and almost makes me spew are the terms of this matter of public importance…”
Loopy intellectual hoboes!³⁵Keating in Parliament, 20/3/86 – “Yet no such forethought and no such conceptual thinking was ever in the minds of these intellectual hobos who attack us for having some inconsistency–“
Brain-damaged³⁶Keating in Parliament, 30/11/83 – “Mr Speaker, do we get any protection from the brain-damaged Deputy Leader of the Opposition (Howard)?” dummies³⁷Keating in Parliament, 21/11/85 – “How thick these people are! We can actually publish these numbers and discuss them for weeks and months, yet these dummies and dimwits opposite cannot understand what we are saying to them.” and desperadoes!³⁸Keating in Parliament, 27/11/85 – “All the former Government had was an overvalued exchange rate which cut our manufacturing industries to pieces and ruined our export markets, and a monetary policy which ground the economy into the ground, never fixed inflation and gave us double digit unemployment. Talk about desperados!”
Hare-brained³⁹Keating in Parliament, 17/9/85 – “a hare-brained proposition from the honourable member for Mackellar” hillbilly⁴⁰Keating in Parliament, 21/9/85 – “Honourable members opposite, as members of the so-called party of managers, may think that they have the allegiance of business in this country; they do not. Business thinks that they are mugs and hillbillies; and it is right.” cheats! cheats! cheats!
Well they’ll always be cheats! cheats! cheats!⁴¹Keating in Parliament, 17/9/85 – “If he [Howard] wants to go stumping the country on whether this country has a tax system in which decent, ordinary Australians are not ripped off by all the bludgers and parasites and one in which decent people are entitled to a decent go with fairer rates, they will have a very clear choice-a vote for us or a vote for coalition members who have always been cheats, cheats, cheats. They will always be cheats, cheats, cheats, and will always defend cheats, cheats, cheats.”
Useless motley corporate crooks and clots!⁴²Clots: Keating in Parliament, 18/2/86 – “Why don’t you go and read it, you clot?”
Stunned-mullet⁴³Keating in Parliament, 29/11/83 – “He would have no idea about how to restrain wages in a recovery. He would sit back like a stunned mullet…” rustbucket⁴⁴Keating on Peacock, in Parliament, 6/6/84 – “What we have here is an intellectual rust bucket. The bucket might be painted up , but there is rust underneath the duco.” boxheads!⁴⁵Keating in Parliament, 21/9/85, to Tuckey again – “You boxhead, you would not know. You are flat out counting past 10.”
Scumbags⁴⁶Keating in Parliament, 22/9/84 – “You were heard in silence, so some of you scumbags on the front bench should just wait a minute until you hear the responses from me.” and alley cats!⁴⁷Keating in Parliament, 26/5/83, over Michael Hodgman’s interjections – “Do not worry about him, Mr Deputy Speaker. He has got the political morals of an alley cat.”
You wanna fight back?
Fight back! Fight back from that!⁴⁸Hewson released a revised version of Fightback on December 18, 1992, which did succeed in regaining some of the polling ground he’d lost to Keating’s attacks – but not enough.

Hewson: Well, alright, you think you’ve got it made?
Then let the game be played –
Why are you so afraid?
You’ve got the cheek to critique
And shriek that we’re weak –
Let the people decide! Let the public speak!
Make a correction! Call an election!
Show us your miraculous resurrection!
If the people hate me and you’re so great,
Why you wanna make me wait?

Keating: Becaaaauuuse…

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Keating Annotations Home

Gareth Evans: Now you’ve made it to the top
And the Bodgie is dislodged¹The ‘Bodgies’ were an Australian youth subculture in the Fifties and Sixties, very similar to the English ‘Teddy Boy’ subculture. Bob Hawke was widely known as ‘the Silver Bodgie.’ In addition, “dislodged” is a pun on the Prime Ministerial residence in Canberra, The Lodge.
Say a prayer for him and look
At the punches that you took
And the bullets that you dodged

As you walk up to the door
As you slowly turn the key
You will walk out on a limb
Where the bell that tolls for him
Is the one that tolls for thee²A paraphrase of the famous line written in 1624 by John Donne in his Meditation XVII: “Therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee“.

My friend, the beginning is the end
From the entrance to the bow
Your time starts now
My friend, the beginning is the end
Even now it lurks beyond that door…

Keating: Gareth, Gareth, tell me more.³Gareth Evans served Keating both as Minister for Foreign Affairs and also as leader of the ALP in the Senate. Famously, on December 6, 1990, Evans became the first Australian senator to say “fuck” on the Senate floor. Although not intended that way originally, the repetition of Gareth mirrors Evans being mocked as ‘Gareth-Gareth Evans’, has also been interpreted as a reference to Boutros-Boutros Ghali and Evans’ own UN ambitions.

Gareth Evans: There’s a spirit in the Lodge
Chills the marrow in your bones
And the ghostly voice you hear
It’ll fill you full of fear
Even more than Alan Jones⁴Alan Jones was a radio shock jock based in Sydney. He was an outspoken critic of the Keating government, and of every other government to the left of Attila the Hun.

You can hear it every night
Hear it echo down the halls
It’s the company you keep
When Annita’s fast asleep⁵Annita van Iersel was a former air stewardess and wife of Paul Keating during his time as Prime Minister. She and Keating’s four children lived at The Lodge during these years.
And from deep inside the walls it calls…

Gough Whitlam: My friend, the beginning is the end⁶Gough Whitlam was the Prime Minister from 1972 to 1975. A member of the ALP and something of a mentor to Keating, he holds the distinction of being the only Australian Prime Minister to have been dismissed from office by the Crown, in the 1975 constitutional crisis.
So you think you know the way – well may you say⁷A paraphrase of Whitlam’s infamous response to the proclomation dismissing him as Prime Minister, which ended with the traditional words, “God Save the Queen”: “Ladies and gentlemen, well may we say “God Save the Queen,” because nothing will save the Governor-General…” Keating had the unenviable job of warming up the crowd for Gough before that speech.
My friend, the beginning is the end
So do not go gentle from that stage: Maintain your rage!⁸A paraphrase of the title of Dylan Thomas’ poem “Do not go gentle into that good night.” The following words paraphrase another line from the same poem: “Rage, rage against the dying of the light” in the form of Whitlam’s famous exhortation to ALP supporters in the 1977 election, following the Dismissal.
Whitlam / Evans: Maintain your rage!
All: Maintain your rage!
Maintain your rage!
Maintain your rage!

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Keating Annotations Home

Keating: I’ve made a habit of collecting clocks¹Keating’s hobby of collecting antique clocks has been the subject of much mockery from both the Opposition and the media, and is often cited as evidence of his perceived ‘elitism’.
Sleek antiques with ticks and tocks
Didn’t you ever wonder why?
I hear the seconds as a perfect space
Pushed together in relentless pace
The beat of a moment passing by
And every face is like the moon to me
Full of hope and opportunity
Pulled in the orbit of its hands
My tide is high and my chance is nigh
I’ve got to take it and you know why
Somewhere inside you, there’s a man that understands:

It’s time! Time, the revelator,²‘It’s Time’ was famously the slogan of Gough Whitlam’s Labor Party when they were elected to government in 1972 after a record 23 years in Opposition – a government which Keating was a member of.
Destroyer and creator,
No-one gets to wait on time!
Time to start afresh,
We know we’re only flesh and bone
And so it’s precious time!
Whoa, it’s time!

The Opposition take a different tack
They wind it down and they turn it back
They don’t like to hear that sound
But time is slipping past them everyday
Just like “The Picture of Dorian Gray”³‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’ is a famous story by Oscar Wilde, in which the titular portrait ages and experiences in the place of its subject. When the picture is destroyed, all that it has borne comes flooding back to Gray.
And it’s they, they who come unwound

Keating / Hawke: For evolution needs time to move
Just like a drummer beats time to groove
And it never can stand still
Keating: The revolution of a second hand
Is the solution that I must demand
A change is gonna come now,⁴Keating challenged Hawke a second time on December 19, 1991. This time, he was victorious, 56 votes to 51.
You know it always will
Keating / Hawke: in time!

Keating: time is of the essence
I know that it’s unpleasant
But no time like the present time!
Time won’t be denied
And though you try to hide
You know it’s on my side

Hawke: It’s time!
Time to make a break, it’s
Time for you to take it,
Whip it out and shake it,

Keating / Hawke: Time!
Keating: time and time again,
You might have dug the venue,
Now you’re on the menu,
Time!
Oh, it’s time!