Category: Keating

Kerry O’Brien is one of Australia’s most respected journalists – a six time Walkley Award winner, long time host of The 7:30 Report and for years ABC’s host of each election night special. After his retirement, he wrote a biography of Keating.

Robert Ray was an ALP Senator for Victoria from 1981 through to 2008. Notably, at the time of the 1993 election – and throughout the entire Keating Prime Ministership – he was Minister for Defence.
Not coincidentally, he is positioned to the left of O’Brien (from the audience’s perspective).

Michael Kroger is a long time power-broker in the Liberal Party, who served as President of the Victorian division of the party from 1987 to 1992 and has remained active in the party ever since. He expected a victory for his party in 1993, which is illustrated in the musical by his expression after the election results are called.
Also not coincidentally, he is positioned to the right of O’Brien (from the audience’s perspective).

Antony Green is the most trusted man in Australian politics, and the reason why anyone in Australia knows what a psephologist is. Widely regarded as a national treasure, he was the staff psephologist at the ABC from 1991 until his retirement in 2025. The 1993 election was the first Federal Election of his career, and he treated it with would be become widely known and respected as his trademark caution and non-partisanship in calling election results.

Keating: I’ve been out there pacing
Bracing for defeat
Ready to be roasted
And I felt that demon heat
But I got lifted
When I thought that I would fall.¹Keating’s 1993 election victory was one that many considered unwinnable for the ALP. Not only did Keating win, but the ALP actually increased its lower house majority from the 1990 election by two seats.
Now this feels like the sweetest victory of all.²Keating’s acceptance speech:
“Well, this is the sweetest victory of all, this is the sweetest. This is a victory for the true believers, the people who in difficult times have kept the faith and to the Australian people going through hard times, it makes their act of faith all that much greater.”

I never felt too comfy
Up there on the top
I felt like Humpty Dumpty³Humpty Dumpty is, of course, a children’s nursery rhyme character: an animate egg who falls to the ground and shatters irretrievably.
and I was waiting for the drop

But I got lifted
I’m floating high above the wall
Now this feels like the sweetest victory of all.

I thank my wife and son and daughters
My faithful supporters
You kept my team full of steam
I thank the people of the nation
For their validation
Keep on believing in the dream

You know that I’ve been wishin’
I had a second shot
Thanks to your decision
That’s exactly what I got
And I got lifted
Now I hear my country call
Band: We want Paul, We want Paul!
Keating: Now this feels like the sweetest victory
Now it seems like y’all wanna stick to me
Now this feels like the sweetest victory of all

Band: We want Paul! We want Paul!⁴The chant of ‘We want Paul’ and Keating’s response, ‘You got him’ both took place as Keating emerged to make his victory speech that night.
Keating: You got him!
Band: We want Paul! We want Paul!
Keating: Yeah, I’m right here
Band: We want Paul! We want Paul!
Keating: Now this feels like the sweetest victory of ALL!

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Keating Annotations Home

Hewson: Dr Who? Doctor Hewson!¹Dr John Robert Hewson was elected to Parliament in 1987, and became leader of the Liberal Party on April 3, 1990 after Andrew Peacock led the party to defeat in that year’s election. Also, the music that plays just before he sings is the distinctive opening riff of the “Dr Who” theme music.
Sit up straight when I’m talkin’ to you, son
The magical might from the radical right²Hewson’s policy perspective, especially in economics, was from the far right of the Liberal Party. Hewson was an outspoken admirer of Margaret Thatcher’s economic policies.
I’m gonna light up the night with a scheme and a dream so bright
so sit right back while we bite back
This is called Fightback! – me and my G on the right track³Fightback! was the name of Hewson’s radical economic policy package, released on November 21, 1991, whose key elements were the introduction of a consumption tax called the goods and services tax (GST), the compensatory abolition of a range of other taxes such as sales tax, deep cuts in income tax for the middle and upper-middle classes, and increases in pensions and benefits to compensate the poor for the rise in prices flowing from the GST.
And we don’t stop ‘til we get our way: G – S – T – O – K!
Band/Hewson: Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho!

Keating: G – S – T? This is what you call salvation?
To whack taxation over the nation?
This is the bright new plan you bring?
Fifteen percent on everything?

I was a stick-up kid for the capital gains⁴Historically, a GST was first proposed in Australia by Keating himself in 1985. However, by 1991, the problems with a GST had become apparent after its implementation in Canada, and Keating, along with a majority of Australians, had turned against the idea.
But the feeling wanes when you grow some brains!
Poor law, so my homies say: G – S – T – no – way!
Band/Keating: Nay! No! Nay! No! Nay! No! Nay! No!

Hewson: We’re twenty points up, we’re off the charts!
We don’t need you and your bleeding hearts!
The poor and sick’ll have a trickle to suck⁵‘Trickle-Down’ economics is another name given to the style espoused by Hewson. The idea is that tax cuts for the wealthier will lead to capital investment, benefiting the economy as a whole. It is, of course, unmitigated crap, and has failed in every country where it has been attempted.
but if you give ‘em a hand, they might drag you down into the muck!⁶One of Keating’s rebuttals of Hewson’s policies was what became known as the ‘Caring Arm’ speech, the main thrust of which was support for the welfare and other low-income group support policies that Hewson wanted to gut. Hewson’s “you give ’em a hand, they might drag you down into the muck” is a paraphrase of Keating’s paraphrase(!) of Hewson’s statement in Parliament on 20 August 1992: “I remember you saying not long ago that when they fall off the pace you will reach back and pull them up. What you mean is that you will pull everyone else down to the lowest common denominator.” Keating adroitly rephrased it to highlight the unkind, less egalitarian implications of the phrase: “that if you lean down and put an arm out to people in this country who are not as well off and who deserve support it will drag the rest of us down”.
That’s why you were born to lose,
you get stuck in the shit in your shiny shoes,
and that’s why you’re gonna get blown away:
‘cos you can’t play like Doctor J!
You can’t play like Doctor J⁷Julius Erving, a.k.a. Dr J, was a US basketball star of the seventies, acknowleged as one of the game’s all time greats. “You can’t play like Dr,. J” was a well-known catchphrase of his.
Band: You can’t play like Doctor J
Hewson: You can’t play like Doctor J
Band: You can’t play like Doctor J

Keating: Oh no! They sent the Doctor to get us!
It’s like being flogged with warm lettuce and cabbages!⁸Keating (as treasurer) on Hewson (as shadow treasurer) in Parliament, 31/10/89.
The feral abacus! Come to savage us!⁹Keating’s nickname for Hewson in the wake of the proposed GST, in Parliament, 19/8/92 – “This is only zealotry. This is the feral abacus at his best. This is the notion, the bean counter, where basically, again, people do not matter.”
He must be ravenous! Ravenous!
Mister Mediocrity¹⁰Keating on Hewson – “I’d put him in the same class as the rest of them: mediocrity.” from the Bunyip Aristocracy¹¹The Bunyip Aristocracy line was actually Keating on Andrew Peacock, in Parliament, 7/12/83: “He is part of the bunyip aristocracy, a remnant of the failed upper class, one of the crowd who reside in Melbourne and govern Australia. He is supposed to be let off while the rest of us are supposed to pay the penalty.” The term caught on, and is applied to all those members of the Liberal Party in particular who seem to think they’re members of the British aristocracy.
The Member for Wentworth should be in bed,
He’s like a lizard on a rock – alive, but lookin’ dead.¹²From this exchange in Parliament, 14/11/86:
Keating: Yesterday, on another personal matter against me, we had old dozy over there, the honourable member for Wentworth, up on a question about the VIP flights–
Carlton: Madam Speaker, I take a point of order. I would have thought that personal abuse was uncalled for. Madam Speaker, I ask that you ask the Treasurer to withdraw.
Speaker: I did not hear what the Treasurer said. I ask him to withdraw it if it is offensive.
Keating: I was implying that the honourable member for Wentworth was like a lizard on a rock-alive, but looking dead.
Old Dozy knows when I’ve got ‘im,
He always turns around when I drop one on ‘im,
It’s somethin’ he can’t psychologically handle¹³Keating on Hewson: “He always turns around when I drop one on him. He can’t psychologically handle it.”
Him and his band of constitutional vandals,¹⁴Keating in Parliament, 8/3/84: “So Opposition members should not come that tawdry line with us. The fact is that they are the thugs of Australian politics. They are the constitutional vandals of Australia. They are greedy for power. They would rip up the Constitution, attack any convention or any individual to get their own way.”
Drones¹⁵Keating assailed by interjections in Parliament, 26/5/1983 – “Mr Deputy Speaker, can I get some protection from the drones on the back benches?” and pansies¹⁶Not actually about the Liberal Party; directed (in the sense of collateral damage) at the Democrats and their fellow senators. Keating in Parliament, 5/11/92: “This Party of ours absolutely opposes the GST as an inequitable, unuseful and totally unfair tax. But let us not hide behind this indignation about these pansies in the Senate.”, frauds¹⁷Keating in Parliament, 28/10/82 – “Yet honourable members opposite use this argument about smearing. They have smeared people for years. They have always regarded themselves as having a God-given right to run Australia and now, like a lot of lackeys, they are trying to protect the people behind them in the establishment who have had their fingers in the public till. They are trying to protect reputations that such people do not deserve. We are about exposing them for the frauds that they are.” and mugs¹⁸Keating in Parliament, 21/9/85 – “Honourable members opposite, as members of the so-called party of managers, may think that they have the allegiance of business in this country; they do not. Business thinks that they are mugs and hillbillies; and it is right.”
Blackguards¹⁹Keating in Parliament, 16/9/85 – “The people have a very clear choice to make at the next election-to have a party in government with some decency and guts or the blackguards on the front bench of the Opposition.”, harlots²⁰Keating in Parliament, 14/5/85 – “While all the fiscal and tax harlots opposite jump on the boat of opportunism they will be left in the gutter of fiscal irresponsibility from whence they came and where they belong.”, pigs²¹Keating in Parliament, 12/11/85 – “They were running a swill of an economy… a pigsty, and that was the limit of their capacity.” and thugs,²²Keating in Parliament, 8/3/84: “So Opposition members should not come that tawdry line with us. The fact is that they are the thugs of Australian politics. They are the constitutional vandals of Australia. They are greedy for power. They would rip up the Constitution, attack any convention or any individual to get their own way.”
You mindless²³Keating in Parliament, 11/11/86 – “These are the absolute gutter tactics of a mindless, useless, idealist, unprincipled Opposition.” stupid foul-mouthed grubs²⁴Keating to Wilson Tuckey in Parliament, 19/2/86.
You couldn’t even raffle a chook in a pub!²⁵Keating in Parliament, 16/9/86 – “Yet Opposition members talk about the Opposition’s credentials and how it advises the Government. The Opposition crowd could not raffle a duck in a pub.”
Barnyard bullies²⁶actually about the National Party leadership, Keating in Parliament 3/11/83 – “In the meantime, the barnyard bullies, the Leader of the National Party and his deputy…”, crims and ghouls²⁷on the Nationals again, in Parliament 3/11/83 – “Meanwhile, the ghouls of the National Party of Australia sit beside the Liberal Party members in this House, hoping for the day of the great rapprochement between the conservative parties: The bushrangers get together with the city slickers.”, dullards²⁸Keating in Parliament, 16/10/85 – “It has not penetrated the dullards on the other side of the House that a business or government can still entertain, but at its own cost.”, dimwits,²⁹Keating in Parliament, 21/11/85 – “How thick these people are! We can actually publish these numbers and discuss them for weeks and months, yet these dummies and dimwits opposite cannot understand what we are saying to them.”
Ninnies³⁰Keating in Parliament, 27/3/85 – “The ninnies opposite may laugh, but basically the members of the Opposition have not got a serious thought in their heads about trying to run an economic policy.”, clowns³¹Keating and fools³¹Keating in Parliament, 8/3/84 – “It is our role as the Government of Australia to protect the High Court of Australia against lunatics and fools like members of the Opposition who would put the whole constitutional fabric of Australia at risk.” and born-to-rules,³²Keating in Parliament, 26/3/87 – “The Opposition has never cared about ordinary Australians. It has always been the party born to rule-the born to rule squad out there to run the rest of us. The only place where the Opposition got into trouble is that a few of us on this side of the House think that we are born to rule the Opposition. And we are doing a pretty good job of it, and we will keep on doing a pretty good job of it.”
Over here we’re born to rule you,
You dishonest crew³³Keating in Parliament, 11/11/86 – “The Opposition is such a motley, dishonest crew.”, you almost make me spew!³⁴Keating in Parliament, 17/9/85 – “What really amuses me and almost makes me spew are the terms of this matter of public importance…”
Loopy intellectual hoboes!³⁵Keating in Parliament, 20/3/86 – “Yet no such forethought and no such conceptual thinking was ever in the minds of these intellectual hobos who attack us for having some inconsistency–“
Brain-damaged³⁶Keating in Parliament, 30/11/83 – “Mr Speaker, do we get any protection from the brain-damaged Deputy Leader of the Opposition (Howard)?” dummies³⁷Keating in Parliament, 21/11/85 – “How thick these people are! We can actually publish these numbers and discuss them for weeks and months, yet these dummies and dimwits opposite cannot understand what we are saying to them.” and desperadoes!³⁸Keating in Parliament, 27/11/85 – “All the former Government had was an overvalued exchange rate which cut our manufacturing industries to pieces and ruined our export markets, and a monetary policy which ground the economy into the ground, never fixed inflation and gave us double digit unemployment. Talk about desperados!”
Hare-brained³⁹Keating in Parliament, 17/9/85 – “a hare-brained proposition from the honourable member for Mackellar” hillbilly⁴⁰Keating in Parliament, 21/9/85 – “Honourable members opposite, as members of the so-called party of managers, may think that they have the allegiance of business in this country; they do not. Business thinks that they are mugs and hillbillies; and it is right.” cheats! cheats! cheats!
Well they’ll always be cheats! cheats! cheats!⁴¹Keating in Parliament, 17/9/85 – “If he [Howard] wants to go stumping the country on whether this country has a tax system in which decent, ordinary Australians are not ripped off by all the bludgers and parasites and one in which decent people are entitled to a decent go with fairer rates, they will have a very clear choice-a vote for us or a vote for coalition members who have always been cheats, cheats, cheats. They will always be cheats, cheats, cheats, and will always defend cheats, cheats, cheats.”
Useless motley corporate crooks and clots!⁴²Clots: Keating in Parliament, 18/2/86 – “Why don’t you go and read it, you clot?”
Stunned-mullet⁴³Keating in Parliament, 29/11/83 – “He would have no idea about how to restrain wages in a recovery. He would sit back like a stunned mullet…” rustbucket⁴⁴Keating on Peacock, in Parliament, 6/6/84 – “What we have here is an intellectual rust bucket. The bucket might be painted up , but there is rust underneath the duco.” boxheads!⁴⁵Keating in Parliament, 21/9/85, to Tuckey again – “You boxhead, you would not know. You are flat out counting past 10.”
Scumbags⁴⁶Keating in Parliament, 22/9/84 – “You were heard in silence, so some of you scumbags on the front bench should just wait a minute until you hear the responses from me.” and alley cats!⁴⁷Keating in Parliament, 26/5/83, over Michael Hodgman’s interjections – “Do not worry about him, Mr Deputy Speaker. He has got the political morals of an alley cat.”
You wanna fight back?
Fight back! Fight back from that!⁴⁸Hewson released a revised version of Fightback on December 18, 1992, which did succeed in regaining some of the polling ground he’d lost to Keating’s attacks – but not enough.

Hewson: Well, alright, you think you’ve got it made?
Then let the game be played –
Why are you so afraid?
You’ve got the cheek to critique
And shriek that we’re weak –
Let the people decide! Let the public speak!
Make a correction! Call an election!
Show us your miraculous resurrection!
If the people hate me and you’re so great,
Why you wanna make me wait?

Keating: Becaaaauuuse…

Previous Song – The Beginning is the End | Next Song – I Wanna Do You Slowly
Keating Annotations Home

Gareth Evans: Now you’ve made it to the top
And the Bodgie is dislodged¹The ‘Bodgies’ were an Australian youth subculture in the Fifties and Sixties, very similar to the English ‘Teddy Boy’ subculture. Bob Hawke was widely known as ‘the Silver Bodgie.’ In addition, “dislodged” is a pun on the Prime Ministerial residence in Canberra, The Lodge.
Say a prayer for him and look
At the punches that you took
And the bullets that you dodged

As you walk up to the door
As you slowly turn the key
You will walk out on a limb
Where the bell that tolls for him
Is the one that tolls for thee²A paraphrase of the famous line written in 1624 by John Donne in his Meditation XVII: “Therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee“.

My friend, the beginning is the end
From the entrance to the bow
Your time starts now
My friend, the beginning is the end
Even now it lurks beyond that door…

Keating: Gareth, Gareth, tell me more.³Gareth Evans served Keating both as Minister for Foreign Affairs and also as leader of the ALP in the Senate. Famously, on December 6, 1990, Evans became the first Australian senator to say “fuck” on the Senate floor. Although not intended that way originally, the repetition of Gareth mirrors Evans being mocked as ‘Gareth-Gareth Evans’, has also been interpreted as a reference to Boutros-Boutros Ghali and Evans’ own UN ambitions.

Gareth Evans: There’s a spirit in the Lodge
Chills the marrow in your bones
And the ghostly voice you hear
It’ll fill you full of fear
Even more than Alan Jones⁴Alan Jones was a radio shock jock based in Sydney. He was an outspoken critic of the Keating government, and of every other government to the left of Attila the Hun.

You can hear it every night
Hear it echo down the halls
It’s the company you keep
When Annita’s fast asleep⁵Annita van Iersel was a former air stewardess and wife of Paul Keating during his time as Prime Minister. She and Keating’s four children lived at The Lodge during these years.
And from deep inside the walls it calls…

Gough Whitlam: My friend, the beginning is the end⁶Gough Whitlam was the Prime Minister from 1972 to 1975. A member of the ALP and something of a mentor to Keating, he holds the distinction of being the only Australian Prime Minister to have been dismissed from office by the Crown, in the 1975 constitutional crisis.
So you think you know the way – well may you say⁷A paraphrase of Whitlam’s infamous response to the proclomation dismissing him as Prime Minister, which ended with the traditional words, “God Save the Queen”: “Ladies and gentlemen, well may we say “God Save the Queen,” because nothing will save the Governor-General…” Keating had the unenviable job of warming up the crowd for Gough before that speech.
My friend, the beginning is the end
So do not go gentle from that stage: Maintain your rage!⁸A paraphrase of the title of Dylan Thomas’ poem “Do not go gentle into that good night.” The following words paraphrase another line from the same poem: “Rage, rage against the dying of the light” in the form of Whitlam’s famous exhortation to ALP supporters in the 1977 election, following the Dismissal.
Whitlam / Evans: Maintain your rage!
All: Maintain your rage!
Maintain your rage!
Maintain your rage!

Previous Song – Ruler Of The Land | Next Song – On The Floor
Keating Annotations Home

Keating: I’ve made a habit of collecting clocks¹Keating’s hobby of collecting antique clocks has been the subject of much mockery from both the Opposition and the media, and is often cited as evidence of his perceived ‘elitism’.
Sleek antiques with ticks and tocks
Didn’t you ever wonder why?
I hear the seconds as a perfect space
Pushed together in relentless pace
The beat of a moment passing by
And every face is like the moon to me
Full of hope and opportunity
Pulled in the orbit of its hands
My tide is high and my chance is nigh
I’ve got to take it and you know why
Somewhere inside you, there’s a man that understands:

It’s time! Time, the revelator,²‘It’s Time’ was famously the slogan of Gough Whitlam’s Labor Party when they were elected to government in 1972 after a record 23 years in Opposition – a government which Keating was a member of.
Destroyer and creator,
No-one gets to wait on time!
Time to start afresh,
We know we’re only flesh and bone
And so it’s precious time!
Whoa, it’s time!

The Opposition take a different tack
They wind it down and they turn it back
They don’t like to hear that sound
But time is slipping past them everyday
Just like “The Picture of Dorian Gray”³‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’ is a famous story by Oscar Wilde, in which the titular portrait ages and experiences in the place of its subject. When the picture is destroyed, all that it has borne comes flooding back to Gray.
And it’s they, they who come unwound

Keating / Hawke: For evolution needs time to move
Just like a drummer beats time to groove
And it never can stand still
Keating: The revolution of a second hand
Is the solution that I must demand
A change is gonna come now,⁴Keating challenged Hawke a second time on December 19, 1991. This time, he was victorious, 56 votes to 51.
You know it always will
Keating / Hawke: in time!

Keating: time is of the essence
I know that it’s unpleasant
But no time like the present time!
Time won’t be denied
And though you try to hide
You know it’s on my side

Hawke: It’s time!
Time to make a break, it’s
Time for you to take it,
Whip it out and shake it,

Keating / Hawke: Time!
Keating: time and time again,
You might have dug the venue,
Now you’re on the menu,
Time!
Oh, it’s time!

Keating: I thought this moment would be nervous
But tonight I’m full of joy
I bless my twenty years of service
As a Blaxland Bankstown boy¹Bankstown is Keating’s home town, and Blaxland is the electorate it is located in – an electorate that Keating was the member for during his years in Parliament.

A chance to make the nation richer
An opportunity to see
A wider screen, a bigger picture
And you gave that chance to me –
I take it with glee!

‘Cos I am the ruler of the land
They tell me I’m the man –
Band: who da man?
Keating: who da man?
Band: you the man!
Keating: yes I am.
I am the ruler of the land
They tell me I’m the man
Band: who da man?
Keating: who da man?
Band: you the man!
Keating: – yes I am.
but… but… but…

I am the ruler of a nation torn
By redneck scorn of the native born
Can we finally have a treaty please?²Aboriginal reconciliation, including an acknowledgment, apology and reparations for the European invasion, was a major goal of Keating’s years as PM. Keating wanted to make a treaty, but was widely opposed in this goal.
Apologies to Aborigines?³A later ALP Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, would finally make such an apology in 2007. Several former members of John Howard’s cabinet still in Parliament would flee rather than listen to it.

Nowadays I’m quite persuaded
A nation takes its share of blame
The white man certainly invaded
The past will always stay the same

Show me something of our future
Smarter, wiser, less afraid
Put the mozz on every moocher
Let the nation be remade –
I must be obeyed!

‘Cos I am the ruler of the land
They tell me I’m the man –
Band: who da man?
Keating: who da man?
Band: you the man!
Keating: yes I am.
I am the ruler of the land
They tell me I’m the man
Band: who da man?
Keating: who da man?
Band: you the man!
Keating: – yes I am.
but… but… but…

I am the servant of a distant queen⁴Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom
Who can overween and intervene⁵As her representative, the Governor-General of Australia, did in 1975 – events Keating remembers all too clearly.
Can we finally make her obsolete?⁶Republicanism was one of Keating’s major policies – he believed that becoming a republic would help Australia to show its independence and assume its rightful place in the world.
Stand complete on our own two feet?

And wouldn’t it be nice to get on with your neighbour?⁷Keating went to a lot of trouble to repair and enhance Australia’s ties with Indonesia, up to and including a security treaty.
And make it very clear: Australia part of Asia?⁸Engagement with Asia was painted by Keating as both geographical and economic good sense. Keating pursued this goal through extensive diplomacy with Asian nations and the formation of APEC.
In addition, this section of the song homages the lyrics and music of the Small Faces’ 1968 hit, “Lazy Sunday”
And wouldn’t it be good just hangin’ in the hood
To lend a cup of sugar like a neighbor should?
And wouldn’t it be sweet talkin’ over the fence,
Evans/Keating: Recalcitrance becoming common sense?⁹Prime Minister Mohamad Malathir of Malaysia was one of the least receptive to Keating’s plans for APEC, which he refused to attend. Keating commented that “APEC is bigger than all of us – Australia, the U.S. and Malaysia, and Dr. Mahathir and any other recalcitrants” – sparking a minor diplomatic incident.
Even other polticians such as John Howard and Pauline Hanson (who called out Malathir on his racism) sympathised with Keating on this one: Malathir was, in Howard’s diplomatic phrasing ‘a difficult person.’

Keating: Now, now
Let me now address the chamber
Everyone from red to blue¹⁰In American politics, the Republicans use red as their signature colour, while the Democrats use blue. In Australia, the ALP is usually given the red colour and the Liberal-National coalition the blue, which reverses the political alignments of the US. (No prizes for guessing what colour the Greens get.)
“Well I’m talkin’ to you!”
Yes, I’m at the end of the rainbow
And now I hold a pot of gold for you¹¹In Irish folklore, leprechauns lived at the end of rainbows, where they kept their pots of gold. Keating was very proud of his Irish roots, and may possibly have seen himself as a leprechaun – although if so, he was smart enough not to say so in public.
Here’s the gist of my agenda:
Let’s advance Australia fair.¹²‘Advance Australia Fair’ is the national anthem of Australia.
No retreat and no surrender
‘Til we get our nation there – I solemnly swear!

‘Cos I am, I am the ruler of the land
They tell me I’m the man
Band: who da man?
Keating: who da man?
Band: you the man!
Keating: – yes I am.
Band: Top banana republic man¹³>On May 14, 1986, Keating warned in a radio interview that Australia was in danger of becoming a banana republic. Unfortunately, this comment was most often reported and interpreted as him saying that Australia was a banana republic.
Keating: – oh!
Band: Top banana republic man
Keating: – Yes I am
Band: Top banana republic man
Keating: – I am the ruler of the land
Band: Top banana republic man
Keating: – Yes! Yes I am
Band: Top banana republic man
Keating: – I am the ruler of the land
Band: Top banana republic man
Keating: – And they tell me I’m the man
Band: who da man?
Keating: who da man?
Band: you the man!
Keating: I am!!

Keating: Canberra’s never lonelier or colder
Than when you feel the heartbreak of defeat¹Keating challenged Hawke for the leadership on June 3, 1991 – he lost, with 44 votes to Hawke’s 66.
You’ll never find a sympathetic shoulder
On any bureaucratic street
So when I must forgive or be forgiven
When all my best-laid plans have gone astray
I head down to the shores of Burley Griffin²Lake Burley Griffin is an artificial lake in Canberra created by and named for Walter Burley Griffin, the designer of Canberra.
And try to wash the pain away

In wintertime, the water cuts you chilly
Walter dug it oh so deep
And I remember Kirribilli³Kirribilli House is an official residence of the Prime Minister in Sydney, located harbourside in the suburb of the same name, near the northern landing of the Harbour Bridge.
The promise that he did not keep

He looked me in the eye across the table
He looked at me and swore he’d step aside⁴Hawke and Keating made a private agreement in 1988 that Hawke would yield the leadership of the ALP (and thus, the Prime Ministership) to Keating after the 1990 election, but then reneged on the deal.
I gave him my support and kept him stable
He looked me in the eye and lied
I dreamed that I was Placido Domingo⁵At the Christmas 1991 Press Dinner, Keating described himself as the Placido Domingo of Australian politics: “sometimes great, and sometimes not great, but always good.”
Ready for the spotlight and applause
But maybe I’ll end up like Ernie Dingo
And vanish in ‘The Great Outdoors’.⁶Ernie Dingo is a sometimes controversial celebrity of Aboriginal descent, best know for having hosted travel and lifestyle show “The Great Outdoors” since 1993.

In wintertime, the water cuts you chilly,
And I swear I see a lady with a blade⁷The Lady of the Lake famously gave King Arthur the sword Excalibur, signifying by divine right that he should be king. However, it should be recalled that strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government, supreme executive power deriving instead from a mandate from the masses.
And I remember Kirribilli
The promise that a friend once made

I want to rule, I want to lead, I know just what the people need
I thought I had it guaranteed, but then
He threw me down in the stenches of the dank back benches,⁸After Keating’s failed first challenge for the leadership, Hawke removed his portfolio as Treasurer, and Keating spent the next several months as a backbencher.
And I never want to go back there again! Again!

Time again for daring and defiance
Time to charge the throne and take the crown
And I won’t need no iron-clad alliance
To go for gold and bring Old Silver down…⁹‘Old Silver’ was Keating’s private nickname for Hawke.

“I’m gonna bring him down”

In wintertime, the water cuts you chilly
It purifies my soul anew
“yes it does people!”
And I, I remember Kirribilli
And I know now what I have to do,
I know now what I have to do.
Dooooo…

Keating: Hey, good evening, I’m Paul
Pleased to meet you all
You had some dinner to eat, now you got a good seat
See, there’s nothing wrong with being inner-city elite¹A common criticism of ALP, Democrat, Green and other left wing politicians made by those on the right is that they are members of any ‘inner city elite’ – which by extension consists of chardonay-swilling, over-educated snobs who are out of touch with ‘the real Australia’. A look at the actual electoral results of almost any Australian election will disprove this.
I’m the star of the show
You prob’ly already know
But if you’re out of the loop, you’ll be in need of the scoop
So let me recap so that you can recoup.

I grew up on Bankstown bitumen²Keating was born on January 18, 1944 to Matt and Min Keating. Bankstown is a locality in Western Sydney, which transformed from a separate township to a new suburb during Keating’s childhood and adolescence. A strongly working class area, it has been an ALP stronghold for decades.
Mum and Dad were down in the ditch and then
they had a vision of a bigger picture, and the picture they drew – it came true!
It might have taken a while – But they made quite a pile³Matt Keating, Paul’s father, was a boilermaker who started his own company with some friends. The company, Marlak Engineering, grew and prospered throughout the ’50s and ’60s. Matt Keating and his mates split about a million dollars when they sold the company in the late ’60s.
And the lesson was learned: penny saved, penny earned –
But you might as well do it in style.⁴Even when in Keating’s first job at Sydney County Council Transformer Handling Bay, he wore a suit to work each day.

I left school at fifteen, made the Labor scene⁵Keating actually left school at the age of 14, and joined the ALP a day before his fifteenth birthday.
I learned how to survive, watched Whitlam thrive
And I made the front bench in Seventy-Five⁶Keating was a backbencher for most of the tenure of the Whitlam Labor government (December 1972 – November 1975), and briefly became Minister for Northern Australia in October 1975. At the time, he was the youngest man ever to be made a Minister.

Opposition was tough
But when we’d suffered enough
With steely looks, we overtook the schnooks⁷Keating was appointed as Shadow Treasurer on January 14, 1983 – 4 days before his 39th birthday and less than two months before the election that returned the ALP to power and made Keating Treasurer.
And we shook the crooks out of cooking the books⁸When Keating was first appointed Treasurer after the ALP victory in 1983, he discovered that the previous Treasurer, John Howard, had lied about the size of the budget deficit, and that it was in fact greater than had been admitted by the Liberal government. Keating found this to be outrageous; Hawke later noted that it “became a stick with which we were justifiably able to beat the Liberal National Opposition for many years”.

I hate that Treasury jiggery-pokery
I keep my money in a piggery locally⁹Keating was half owner of a piggery that was a joint venture between Danish firm Danpork and Australian firm Brown and Hatton.
It’s funny but it’s okely-dokely
We made an Accord – Good Lord!¹⁰The Accord (in full, the Prices and Incomes Accord), was a series of agreements between the ALP and the ACTU. In essence, the government pledged to minimise inflation and price rises and the unions were to restrict wage claims and industrial action. The Accord was a factor in the low unemployment figures under the Hawke government. Keating was not initially a fan of the Accord, but came to see its value as his working relationship with ACTU head Bill Kelty developed.

Why be mercantile
If you can’t crack a smile?
And if you’re bringin’ home the hog for the drover’s dog,¹¹In Keating’s 1988 Budget speech, after delivering a record budget surplus, he stated that this budget was the one that ‘brought home the bacon’. The ‘Drover’s Dog’ remark was made by ALP leader Bill Hayden after his ouster by Hawke prior to the 1983 election. A disgruntled Hayden claimed that even a drover’s dog could lead the ALP to victory that year. Analysis of polling data suggests that he was right about that. After the election, Hawke was sometimes given the nickname of ‘the Drover’s Dog’ but it was never a popular name for him.
You might as well do it in style. Boys?
Band: You might as well do it in style…

Keating: Perhaps you noticed the suit
I think it makes me look cute
A good couturier can have a lot to say
And when you’re in a Zegna then you’re on your way¹²Ermenegildo Zegna is an Italian men’s fashion label whose products are much beloved of Keating. This occasionally led to criticism of him, as the suits are made (and imported from) Italy at great cost, but made from Australian wool.

I’m on my way to see Bob
He’s gonna give me his job
He showed a lot of nous in Kirribilli House,¹³Kirribilli House is an official residence of the Prime Minister in Sydney, located harbourside in the North Shore suburb of the same name.
He sealed a fealty deal to really douse my grouse¹⁴On November 25, 1988, Hawke and Keating made a deal that Hawke would step aside after one more election. ACTU Secretary Bill Kelty and businessman Sir Phillip Abeles were witnesses. The deal between Hawke and Keating is sometimes referred to as the ‘Kirribilli Accord’ or ‘Kirribilli agreement’ because it was made there.

I’ve been a model of loyal bonhomie
It’s time to honour the deal he promised me
Because I know he’s a man of honesty
I lent him my ears – for two years!
That’s why I dress to impress
I’m on the road to success
Hey Bobby J., get outa my way,
I know the answer is
I know the answer is
I know the answer is…

Bob Hawke: Let’s go back to 1990; it’s not so far away¹Robert James Hawke, Prime Minister of Australia from 1983 to 1991, making him the longest-serving Prime Minister to come from the ranks of the Australian Labor Party (and third longest serving overall).
Where with each misty morning dawns a more exciting day
Peace and love are everywhere defeating hate and greed
And Thatcher is resigning²Margaret Thatcher, fiscally and socially conservative Prime Minister of the United Kingdom since 1979. By Thatcher’s own account, she and Hawke mutually disliked each other.
And Germans are uniting³West Germany and East Germany were finally re-combined into a single Germany after a separation that began in 1945 and endured for 45 years of Cold War.
And even that Mandela fella’s freed⁴Nelson Mandela, an opponent of apartheid in South Africa, spent 27 years in prison for his opposition. His release marked the end of apartheid.
There’s never been a better time to lead.

Here in 1990, Australia’s doing well.
No child lives in poverty as far as we can tell⁵In the 1987 election, Hawke promised that “by 1990 no Australian child will be living in poverty” – a promise that was quietly swept under the rug when that year arrived.
And all I hear across the land’s a chorus of content
Band: Hey!
And positive appraisal
And love for Bob and Hazel⁶Hazel Hawke was the wife of Bob from 1956 until 1995, when she divorced him.
Yes, I’m a hit with each constituent
And unemployment’s only *cough* percent⁷The unemployment rate of Australia averaged 6.66% across 1990, increasing in every month except March.

It’s a comfy bloody country, comfy and relaxed,⁸“Relaxed and comfortable” was a catchphrase of the Howard government dating from the 2004 election. It has rarely been used without irony since then.
Not too bloody up itself or too highly taxed.
It’s a lovely bloody system, that I try to understand –⁹There was a widespread perception that Keating was the ideas man, and Hawke the salesman – a perception shared by Keating himself.
But I don’t really get it, I give much of the credit –
I’m indebted to my right-hand man;
My right hand man.

My right-hand man’s a charmer, the smoothest of the smooth
He’s got a nut for every bolt, a tongue for every groove,
A pleasurer as Treasurer, creating harmony.¹⁰Keating became Treasurer upon the election of the Hawke government in 1983, and presided over some of the most far-reaching reforms to the Australian economy ever seen.
Also, the band sing the word ‘harmony’ in, well, harmony.

On the economic levers
And he loves all you true believers¹¹“True Believers” is a traditional term used by the ALP to describe its faithful supporters.
He’s the linchpin in my winning dynasty:
With him around, there’s not much use for me!

Of course, he’s quite peculiar, if that’s for me to say,
A little unAustralian in his own endearing way
I take him to the footy and his eyes aren’t on the ball¹²Hawke is a noted fan of all kinds of sport, while Keating generally prefers more high culture pasttimes.
And in his private parlour, he plays the works of Mahler¹³Gustav Mahler was a composer of the late romantic era, noted for his symphonies.
The strangest sound’s cascading down the hall –
It doesn’t sound like Billy Thorpe at all.¹⁴Billy Thorpe is an Australian rock singer, best known for his song “Most People I Know (Think That I’m Crazy)”.

Oh it’s a comfy bloody country, ‘cos we know what’s in our hearts,
It’s beer and boots, not wine and suits: Cricket – not art!¹⁵Bob Hawke notably once held a record for beer drinking, and as Prime Minister, revived the concept of the Prime Minister’s First XI: more or less a command performance first class cricket game.
It’s a lovely bloody system,
And I’ll lead it while I can.
Just a bloke and his mates,
But if you wanna talk rates –
Look for the midnight tan
On my right-hand man.

Keating: I wanna do you slowly – holy moly –¹Keating actually said this, and in response to Hewson’s jibes about calling an election. However, the context was somewhat different from that of this song. The full exchange ran:
Hewson: I ask the Prime Minister: if you are so confident about your view of Fightback, why will you not call an early election?
Keating: The answer is, mate, because I want to do you slowly. There has to be a bit of sport in this for all of us. In the psychological battle stakes, we are stripped down and ready to go. I want to see those ashen-faced performances; I want more of them. I want to be encouraged. I want to see you squirm out of this load of rubbish over a number of months. There will be no easy execution for you. You have perpetrated one of the great mischiefs on the Australian public with this thing, trying to rip away our social wage, trying to rip away the Australian values which we built in our society for over a century…
I wanna turn you inside out, upside down and roundabout
Wrap you up like ravioli – roly poly –
I wanna make you mine²Far from the sexual overtones of this song, the actual relationship between Keating and Hewson is historically one of the most vitriolic seen in this country between a Prime Minister and a Leader of the Opposition. And it’s still a better relationship than that between Keating and Howard.
Dear boy, you know I’ve got your measure³One of the major reasons for delaying the federal election was to get the West Australian state election out of the way first. After a scandal involving that state’s Labor government, it was felt that voters there would punish the ALP for it at the polls, so it was decided to let the state party wear that. In the end, the bashing the ALP took was not as bad as feared at either level.
All good things take time…

Dear boy, you know I’ve got your measure⁴“Dear Boy” was one of Keating’s favourite ways to address Hewson in Parliament, intended as a patronising comment about their relative levels of experience.
I’ll take my time to take my pleasure
Well I’m gonna steam you like a lentil
I can be so soft and gentle
Boy, I know you want it fast
But I…
Keating / Hewson: I wanna make it last, ohh

I wanna do you slowly – holy moly –
I wanna turn you inside out, upside down and roundabout
Roll you round like a cannoli – roly poly –
Then it’ll feel so right
On election night
On election night
On election night
On election night
On election nighttttttt…⁵The 1993 election was held on March 13. Keating won handily.

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