Category: 222 Content

Keating: Hey, good evening, I’m Paul
Pleased to meet you all
You had some dinner to eat, now you got a good seat
See, there’s nothing wrong with being inner-city elite¹A common criticism of ALP, Democrat, Green and other left wing politicians made by those on the right is that they are members of any ‘inner city elite’ – which by extension consists of chardonay-swilling, over-educated snobs who are out of touch with ‘the real Australia’. A look at the actual electoral results of almost any Australian election will disprove this.
I’m the star of the show
You prob’ly already know
But if you’re out of the loop, you’ll be in need of the scoop
So let me recap so that you can recoup.

I grew up on Bankstown bitumen²Keating was born on January 18, 1944 to Matt and Min Keating. Bankstown is a locality in Western Sydney, which transformed from a separate township to a new suburb during Keating’s childhood and adolescence. A strongly working class area, it has been an ALP stronghold for decades.
Mum and Dad were down in the ditch and then
they had a vision of a bigger picture, and the picture they drew – it came true!
It might have taken a while – But they made quite a pile³Matt Keating, Paul’s father, was a boilermaker who started his own company with some friends. The company, Marlak Engineering, grew and prospered throughout the ’50s and ’60s. Matt Keating and his mates split about a million dollars when they sold the company in the late ’60s.
And the lesson was learned: penny saved, penny earned –
But you might as well do it in style.⁴Even when in Keating’s first job at Sydney County Council Transformer Handling Bay, he wore a suit to work each day.

I left school at fifteen, made the Labor scene⁵Keating actually left school at the age of 14, and joined the ALP a day before his fifteenth birthday.
I learned how to survive, watched Whitlam thrive
And I made the front bench in Seventy-Five⁶Keating was a backbencher for most of the tenure of the Whitlam Labor government (December 1972 – November 1975), and briefly became Minister for Northern Australia in October 1975. At the time, he was the youngest man ever to be made a Minister.

Opposition was tough
But when we’d suffered enough
With steely looks, we overtook the schnooks⁷Keating was appointed as Shadow Treasurer on January 14, 1983 – 4 days before his 39th birthday and less than two months before the election that returned the ALP to power and made Keating Treasurer.
And we shook the crooks out of cooking the books⁸When Keating was first appointed Treasurer after the ALP victory in 1983, he discovered that the previous Treasurer, John Howard, had lied about the size of the budget deficit, and that it was in fact greater than had been admitted by the Liberal government. Keating found this to be outrageous; Hawke later noted that it “became a stick with which we were justifiably able to beat the Liberal National Opposition for many years”.

I hate that Treasury jiggery-pokery
I keep my money in a piggery locally⁹Keating was half owner of a piggery that was a joint venture between Danish firm Danpork and Australian firm Brown and Hatton.
It’s funny but it’s okely-dokely
We made an Accord – Good Lord!¹⁰The Accord (in full, the Prices and Incomes Accord), was a series of agreements between the ALP and the ACTU. In essence, the government pledged to minimise inflation and price rises and the unions were to restrict wage claims and industrial action. The Accord was a factor in the low unemployment figures under the Hawke government. Keating was not initially a fan of the Accord, but came to see its value as his working relationship with ACTU head Bill Kelty developed.

Why be mercantile
If you can’t crack a smile?
And if you’re bringin’ home the hog for the drover’s dog,¹¹In Keating’s 1988 Budget speech, after delivering a record budget surplus, he stated that this budget was the one that ‘brought home the bacon’. The ‘Drover’s Dog’ remark was made by ALP leader Bill Hayden after his ouster by Hawke prior to the 1983 election. A disgruntled Hayden claimed that even a drover’s dog could lead the ALP to victory that year. Analysis of polling data suggests that he was right about that. After the election, Hawke was sometimes given the nickname of ‘the Drover’s Dog’ but it was never a popular name for him.
You might as well do it in style. Boys?
Band: You might as well do it in style…

Keating: Perhaps you noticed the suit
I think it makes me look cute
A good couturier can have a lot to say
And when you’re in a Zegna then you’re on your way¹²Ermenegildo Zegna is an Italian men’s fashion label whose products are much beloved of Keating. This occasionally led to criticism of him, as the suits are made (and imported from) Italy at great cost, but made from Australian wool.

I’m on my way to see Bob
He’s gonna give me his job
He showed a lot of nous in Kirribilli House,¹³Kirribilli House is an official residence of the Prime Minister in Sydney, located harbourside in the North Shore suburb of the same name.
He sealed a fealty deal to really douse my grouse¹⁴On November 25, 1988, Hawke and Keating made a deal that Hawke would step aside after one more election. ACTU Secretary Bill Kelty and businessman Sir Phillip Abeles were witnesses. The deal between Hawke and Keating is sometimes referred to as the ‘Kirribilli Accord’ or ‘Kirribilli agreement’ because it was made there.

I’ve been a model of loyal bonhomie
It’s time to honour the deal he promised me
Because I know he’s a man of honesty
I lent him my ears – for two years!
That’s why I dress to impress
I’m on the road to success
Hey Bobby J., get outa my way,
I know the answer is
I know the answer is
I know the answer is…

Bob Hawke: Let’s go back to 1990; it’s not so far away¹Robert James Hawke, Prime Minister of Australia from 1983 to 1991, making him the longest-serving Prime Minister to come from the ranks of the Australian Labor Party (and third longest serving overall).
Where with each misty morning dawns a more exciting day
Peace and love are everywhere defeating hate and greed
And Thatcher is resigning²Margaret Thatcher, fiscally and socially conservative Prime Minister of the United Kingdom since 1979. By Thatcher’s own account, she and Hawke mutually disliked each other.
And Germans are uniting³West Germany and East Germany were finally re-combined into a single Germany after a separation that began in 1945 and endured for 45 years of Cold War.
And even that Mandela fella’s freed⁴Nelson Mandela, an opponent of apartheid in South Africa, spent 27 years in prison for his opposition. His release marked the end of apartheid.
There’s never been a better time to lead.

Here in 1990, Australia’s doing well.
No child lives in poverty as far as we can tell⁵In the 1987 election, Hawke promised that “by 1990 no Australian child will be living in poverty” – a promise that was quietly swept under the rug when that year arrived.
And all I hear across the land’s a chorus of content
Band: Hey!
And positive appraisal
And love for Bob and Hazel⁶Hazel Hawke was the wife of Bob from 1956 until 1995, when she divorced him.
Yes, I’m a hit with each constituent
And unemployment’s only *cough* percent⁷The unemployment rate of Australia averaged 6.66% across 1990, increasing in every month except March.

It’s a comfy bloody country, comfy and relaxed,⁸“Relaxed and comfortable” was a catchphrase of the Howard government dating from the 2004 election. It has rarely been used without irony since then.
Not too bloody up itself or too highly taxed.
It’s a lovely bloody system, that I try to understand –⁹There was a widespread perception that Keating was the ideas man, and Hawke the salesman – a perception shared by Keating himself.
But I don’t really get it, I give much of the credit –
I’m indebted to my right-hand man;
My right hand man.

My right-hand man’s a charmer, the smoothest of the smooth
He’s got a nut for every bolt, a tongue for every groove,
A pleasurer as Treasurer, creating harmony.¹⁰Keating became Treasurer upon the election of the Hawke government in 1983, and presided over some of the most far-reaching reforms to the Australian economy ever seen.
Also, the band sing the word ‘harmony’ in, well, harmony.

On the economic levers
And he loves all you true believers¹¹“True Believers” is a traditional term used by the ALP to describe its faithful supporters.
He’s the linchpin in my winning dynasty:
With him around, there’s not much use for me!

Of course, he’s quite peculiar, if that’s for me to say,
A little unAustralian in his own endearing way
I take him to the footy and his eyes aren’t on the ball¹²Hawke is a noted fan of all kinds of sport, while Keating generally prefers more high culture pasttimes.
And in his private parlour, he plays the works of Mahler¹³Gustav Mahler was a composer of the late romantic era, noted for his symphonies.
The strangest sound’s cascading down the hall –
It doesn’t sound like Billy Thorpe at all.¹⁴Billy Thorpe is an Australian rock singer, best known for his song “Most People I Know (Think That I’m Crazy)”.

Oh it’s a comfy bloody country, ‘cos we know what’s in our hearts,
It’s beer and boots, not wine and suits: Cricket – not art!¹⁵Bob Hawke notably once held a record for beer drinking, and as Prime Minister, revived the concept of the Prime Minister’s First XI: more or less a command performance first class cricket game.
It’s a lovely bloody system,
And I’ll lead it while I can.
Just a bloke and his mates,
But if you wanna talk rates –
Look for the midnight tan
On my right-hand man.

Keating: I wanna do you slowly – holy moly –¹Keating actually said this, and in response to Hewson’s jibes about calling an election. However, the context was somewhat different from that of this song. The full exchange ran:
Hewson: I ask the Prime Minister: if you are so confident about your view of Fightback, why will you not call an early election?
Keating: The answer is, mate, because I want to do you slowly. There has to be a bit of sport in this for all of us. In the psychological battle stakes, we are stripped down and ready to go. I want to see those ashen-faced performances; I want more of them. I want to be encouraged. I want to see you squirm out of this load of rubbish over a number of months. There will be no easy execution for you. You have perpetrated one of the great mischiefs on the Australian public with this thing, trying to rip away our social wage, trying to rip away the Australian values which we built in our society for over a century…
I wanna turn you inside out, upside down and roundabout
Wrap you up like ravioli – roly poly –
I wanna make you mine²Far from the sexual overtones of this song, the actual relationship between Keating and Hewson is historically one of the most vitriolic seen in this country between a Prime Minister and a Leader of the Opposition. And it’s still a better relationship than that between Keating and Howard.
Dear boy, you know I’ve got your measure³One of the major reasons for delaying the federal election was to get the West Australian state election out of the way first. After a scandal involving that state’s Labor government, it was felt that voters there would punish the ALP for it at the polls, so it was decided to let the state party wear that. In the end, the bashing the ALP took was not as bad as feared at either level.
All good things take time…

Dear boy, you know I’ve got your measure⁴“Dear Boy” was one of Keating’s favourite ways to address Hewson in Parliament, intended as a patronising comment about their relative levels of experience.
I’ll take my time to take my pleasure
Well I’m gonna steam you like a lentil
I can be so soft and gentle
Boy, I know you want it fast
But I…
Keating / Hewson: I wanna make it last, ohh

I wanna do you slowly – holy moly –
I wanna turn you inside out, upside down and roundabout
Roll you round like a cannoli – roly poly –
Then it’ll feel so right
On election night
On election night
On election night
On election night
On election nighttttttt…⁵The 1993 election was held on March 13. Keating won handily.

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