January 1, 2001 — The Twenty-First Century begins

Contrary to popular belief, and due to the fact that there never was a year zero (history goes from 1 BC to 1 AD – or 1 BCE to 1 CE) without stopping, the hundreth year of each count – that is, the years that actually end in 00 – is a part of the previous century. So despite all the millenial madness that attended the last day of 1999 and the first day of 2000, the Twenty-First century CE did not actually begin for another year.

Nor will it end until December 31st, 2100 – and if you’re still around that night, you can bore everyone with calendrical pedantry if that’s what floats your boat.

2139 — The Volunteers set sail

Brian May described this song as his own little science fiction story.

It concerns a group who set out in a space ship, sailing ‘across the milky sea’ (which is a reference to both the Milky Way and to a pre-Queen band of Freddie Mercury’s, Sour Milk Sea), in search of a newer and better world. Their quest is ultimately successful, but their return to Earth That Was sees them fall foul of relativistic time dilation.

Queen A Night At The Opera.png
By Source, Fair use, Link

As mentioned in:

’39 — Queen

2239 — The Volunteers come home

Brian May described this song as his own little science fiction story.

It concerns a group who set out in a space ship, sailing ‘across the milky sea’ (which is a reference to both the Milky Way and to a pre-Queen band of Freddie Mercury’s, Sour Milk Sea), in search of a newer and better world. Their quest is ultimately successful, but their return to Earth That Was sees them fall foul of relativistic time dilation.

Queen A Night At The Opera.png
By Source, Fair use, Link

As mentioned in:

’39 — Queen

November 20, 2265 — The starship Enterprise begins its five year mission

Space… the final frontier.
These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise.
Its five year mission:
to explore strange new worlds,
to seek out new life and new civilisations,
to boldly go where no man has gone before…

Today is the day that it all will have started (time travel weirds English ever worse than verbing), in the year 2265. Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Uhura, Sulu and Scotty started their five year mission, of which, alas, only the first three years were shown on television. (Chekov joined the crew later.)

The first episode of Star Trek was “The Man Trap”, and the date used here is derived from the stardate given in that episode.

2525 — Something happens. Really.

Today’s entry in the Rock ‘n’ Roll History of the World could just as easily find a home in the Daft Lyrics Database.

You see, although Zager and Evans were quite happy to prophesy on at 1010 year intervals from 2525, they seem to have somehow forgotten to specify just what would actuallly happen in that year.

Either that, or what man and woman will find in the year 2525 is the year 3535, which seems to suggest that 2525 will be the year in which the human race develops time travel, thus making the doom-saying of the rest of the song trivially easy to sidestep.

3000 — Time travelers visit from the present day

According to those who have visited it, the year 3000 is fairly similar to the present day – it still has boybands, for example. On the other hand, human life spans seem to have increased massively, given that some time travelers report encountering their great-great-great-granddaughters. And apparently everyone lives underwater.

In addition, there is some dispute as to whether triple-breasted women swim around town totally naked or girls there with round hair like Star Wars float above the floor, although it may simply be that different travelers visited different locations in the year 3000. It’s a mystery.

3535 — Humanity embraces better living through neurochemistry

In the year 3535, it appears that humanity lives in a brave new world where psychiatric drugs are mandatory – not so much prozac nation as prozac planet. And these drugs, well, they make lying impossible, so either we’re all much more guarded or we’re all much more blunt.

Either way, it makes me think of the film Equilibrium, because you’d probably need that sort of police force to run such a state.

4545 — Widespread unemployment for dentists forecast

It’s unclear whether or not Zager and Evans believe that there will be starvation in the year 4545 – they say there will be nothing to chew, but that could also mean that we take all our nourishment in pill form.

More disturbingly – for anyone who isn’t a musician, at least – apparently there will be nothing to see, implying that the year 4545 will be marked by a year long eclipse and blackout. Alternately, it’s possible that Zager and Evans were members of the music video backlash before there was music video, or that the future they project is simply so incredibly boring that one wonders why they bothered…

5555 — We stop using our arms and legs

By the year 5555, two important questions will have been resolved for humanity:
1) the conflict between leisure and exercise will be decided in favour of leisure, as we substitute cute little mechanised karts (or possibly some form of un-armoured personnel carriers) for legs. Apparently, they will also feature Dr Octopus-like arms, too, as we will apparently not use any of our limbs.
2) natural evolution will finally lose its race with technologically-assisted evolution.

Of these, the first forecast seems less likely, unless teledildonics has also made incredible advances (not impossible in 2500 years, I guess…)

6565 — Everyone’s a Test Tube Baby

Apparently, by the year 6565, genetic engineering will finally be caught up with by social change. Not only will it be possible to completely order up the genetic makeup you want in your… let’s call them offspring, shall we? – but there will apparently no longer be any stigma whatsoever attached to being a single parent.

Not only that, but it appears that people will actually not be as socially maladjusted as you might think from all of this – although we will not yet be immune to the sorrows to which humanity is heir.