October 23, 4004 BCE: God separates the Earth and the Heavens

Diary of God, Day One:

Called one bit the Earth and one bit the Heavens, but they kept mixing together so eventually I had to physically separate them. It’s not ideal, but it’ll do until I think of something better.

Also, the Earth was so heavy, I think I pulled a muscle in my back moving it. Never creating anything that heavy again. Might go for a swim tomorrow.

The Creation - Bible Historiale (c.1411), vol.1, f.3 - BL Royal MS 19 D III.jpg
By This file has been provided by the British Library from its digital collections.
Catalogue entry: Royal MS 19 D IIIIllustrated catalogueOnline viewer (Info), CC0, Link

As mentioned in:

What If God Smoked Cannabis? — Bob Rivers

October 28, 4004 BCE — God creates Adam

Diary of God, Day Six:

So tired today. Spent the whole day working on one thing, after another, animals. All kinds of animals, although I tried to keep it fairly sensible. At the end of the process, I created my masterpiece, man. My plan is that he’s like an animal, only intelligent, like me. So because he’s not an animal, I figure he doesn’t need a mate. I mean, I don’t have one and I’m intelligent. Anyway, it went according to plan: I woke him up, told him that he was basically in charge whenever I’m not around, made one last animal (the platypus) from the spare parts I had left over, and called it a day.

Think I’ll take tomorrow off.