Named for Ulysses S. Dovetong (the G is silent), who was in turn named after President Ulysses S. Grant, Doveton is an area near Dandenong in Melbourne that is best known for the spate of hedge burnings that tends to break out there on a semi-regular basis every decade or so.

What few people know, but is nonetheless commemorated by the name of the area, is that Doveton marks the site where Ulysses Dovetong (the G is silent) hunted the ancient enemies of his family, a particular druidic sept originating in the former kingdom of Dogfeiling in what is now Wales. The Dovetongs (the Gs are silent) have been hereditary foes of these druids since the earliest members of their family sailed to the British Isles with Ragnar Lothbrok in the middle ages.

Over the years, the druids were relentlessly hunted by the ancestors of Ulysses, including a several century stretch where they were pursued across North America from east to west before they reached California and sailed still further west. Ulysses S. Dovetong (the G is still silent) was the last of his line when he arrived in Melbourne in the years after World War One.

During the Great Depression, he hunted down and personally slew all of the druids he could identify, culminating in a final battle at what is now the site of Power Reserve, the home ground of the Doveton Eagles. Believing his work over, he volunteered to serve with the AIF in World War Two, and was one of the poor bastards who died while besieged at Tobruk. But he was mistaken.

Although the druids have not been identified, their ritual hedge burning continues to this day in Doveton, and the world may yet have to rue the loss of the Dovetong’s (the G’s silent) family traditions.

Suburbs near Doveton:

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