Invented by 12 year old evil genius Oliver Watson (when he was much younger), Lazopril is a drug with a number of effects, including sudden uncontrollable flatulence and a rapid diminution of levels of hostility and motivation in those dosed with it. Watson has equipped his bodyguards with it, and they generally shoot it into those he designates in the form of tiny darts.

Unfortunately for Oliver, Lazopril also delays the beginning of one’s adolescent growth spurt by about three months for each dose – something Oliver only realised after mixing up the early batches without wearing gloves. If you should meet Oliver, do not make jokes about his height.

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