There’s no aphrodisiac quite like Loneliness, especially if you live in Sydney and you’re lonely for someone who’s in Melbourne. (I suppose the reverse is also true.)
Oh sure, there are all sorts of other things that complicate it, like truth, beauty, pictures of the one you’re missing, boredom, and so on, and so on, but at the end of the day (or more accurately, the night) it’s just Loneliness, making the heart grow fonder and the groin go yonder.
Aside from cocaine, Love is the drug that the Seventies ran on.
At least, that’s how the legend runs. (And hey, the legend gave us Rumours, so clearly there’s something to it.) In practice, it was a lot more like Lust, or perhaps Sex Addiction.
Unlike the majority of other drugs I’ve listed here, Love has the advantage of being street legal – although like most drugs, you should still exercise some caution in when, where and with whom you choose to indulge 😉
A weaponised aphrodisiac designed largely for urban pacification by the US military, Love Bomb never quite lived up to its promise. Based largely on existing MDMA drugs, it was supposed to be the ultimate in disarming the enemy: literally leading them to throw down their arms – and their clothes, and whatever remaining inhibitions they might have.
Never successfully developed, Love Bomb is rumoured to have turned up on the streets from time to time, although it is unclear whether it did, or whether the stories of it are simply urban myths (or exaggerated claims by dealers).
Related drugs: Urizen
Love Potion No. 9 is an aphrodisiac of undeniable potency, and great caution is urged in its use. It is a deep black in colour and smells not unlike turpentine.
As far as can be told, it is sold only by Madame Rue, a gypsy reader of palms and maker of potions who, as of 1959, lived at a place on the corner of Vine St and 34th St (now Jefferson Boulevard) in Los Angeles, California.
It induces feelings of extreme amorousness in those who imbibe it – so great that they may feel amorous towards inanimate objects, even – although how long these feelings last, the appropriate dosage, the best-before date, and the true identity of Madame Rue (as the name is most certainly a pseudonym) are details lost in the mists of time. Lost with them, apparently, are Love Potions Number 1 through 8, whose existence can be inferred from this Potion’s number, and possibly additional Love Potions numbered 10 or higher.
Perhaps the ultimate aphrrodisiac, MDA-Cubed is a spectacularly potent date-rape drug that heightens the sexual impulse to the level of insanity. Users have been known to couple with anyone and anything, their usual sexual preferences notwithstanding. This is not limited to people, but also includes animals, plants and the occasional mechinical device or piece of furniture.
Immensely dangerous to social mores, MDA-Cubed is also in that class of drugs that is never as good afte the first time – not that this stops chronic users from chasing that high again and again.
Related Drugs: Blue Shock, Communion, Nightmare, Relapse, Slo-Mo, Wings and Zorro.
ORGASMOR is a legal drug which is applied as a lotion. It is reputed to have aphrodisiac and lubricious properties, although these statements are made nowhere in the advertising.
In fact, its chemical properties are not terribly dissimilar to those of Coca Cola, and all the reported results can safely be attributed to the placebo effect.
ORGASMOR is known to exist in most of a cluster of closely-related alternate timelines or eigenstates.
Related drugs: Ex-Tend, FEMFREE, FOREVER and NEURO.
The Pahzik are a species of semi-domesticated herd animal, native to the planet Kupoh a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Their meat is tasty and nutritious, but it is their horns that they are most prized for.
Pahzik horn is reputed to have aphrodisiac powers, and a thriving black market exists in selling it to various off-worlders, usually ground into a powder for easier transportation and consumption. It is unclear what, if any, powers Pahzik horn possesses beyond the power to separate rich idiots from their credits.
Made in the depths of Hell from the sufferings of the damned, Pain is a gray powder. It is treated much like snuff by the demons who take it, and usually stored in snuff boxes.
The effects it has on the demonic physiology are as many and as varied as those physiologies, although the two universal constants are that it enhances the pleasure of sex, and that, although it is possible to resist the drug’s effects, it is painful to do so.
When used by the damned themselves, it appears to intensify sensation to a painful degree.
Developed by a Dr. Duran of Hopkins University and her faithful assistant, Calvin, the Priapism Formula is a highly effective aphrodisiac – as the Dr and Calvin discovered when she accidentally inhaled the fumes from it one day.
From there, the Priapism Formula next turned up as the secret ingredient in the sauce used on burgers at Pop’s – a start-up operated, not coincidentally, by friends of Calvin’s who had stolen the formula from Duran’s lab. Somewhat more dilute in its effects when consumed with a burger, fries and a milkshake, the Priapism Formula – now called the Secret Sauce – remained a mild aphrodisiac and something of a euphoric. Unsurprisingly, this made Pop’s quite popular.
PRO-Vyril is an erectile dysfunction treatment produced by the somewhat shady pharmaceutical conglomerate Calenture-Deutz. Like Cialis or Viagra, it is produced in pill form; unlike them, it is not nearly as pronounced in its effects.
However, it turns out that the market has a niche for a kindler, gentler produced of erections in older men, and PRO-Vyril has been a solid if unspectacular earner for Calenture-Deutz.
Related Drugs: Bynogol and Zembla-4
The pharmacometrics of the mid-twenty-first century are sufficiently advanced that the production of what has often been seen as more the domain of magic than science is now possible: Rhinoceros is the world’s first fully working aphrodisiac.
Why Rhinoceros? Because traditionally, it was believed that the horn of an actual Rhinoceros was an aphrodisiac – which is why these majestic beasts were hunted to extinction.
The drug Rhinoceros was a binary drug – taken in two parts that combine in the digestive system of the user.
Related Drugs: Apprehension of Beauty, Buzz, California Mello, Funnybone, Get Wired, Pattern Perception & Verbality
One of the few placebos ever to be actually to be advertised as being a “Genuine 100% Placebo” – with reference made to the proven medical effect – the Spanish Fly placebo racket was the brainchild of con-man Jack McGreary.
Worrying about one’s sexual prowess is a Depression-proof market niche, something that allowed McGreary and his confederates to rake in a massive profit from selling sugar pills all over America in 1939. In fact, so successful was this racket – even at 1939 US $6.50 for a packet of pills – that the market proved to have room for two higher end placebos, Spurious Spanish Fly ($14 a packet) and Psuedo Spanish Fly ($25 a packet). Aphrodisiacs – even spurious ones – are always in high demand.
Like most good cons – and in a sense, this wasn’t even a con, so long as you were bright enough to look up placebo in the dictionary – it lasted until the con-men got bored with it.
With eight times the strength of ordinary Hormone Replacement Therapy estrogen patches, Special H a.k.a. Super HRT first became available in England through the machinations of a Calais-based drug-running syndicate.
Illegal to sell in England, it was distributed by a criminal syndicate based in Little Stempington, who smuggled 300,000 patches into the country in 2006. The street value of this import was estimated at 7,500,000 pounds.
The effects of Special H vary from user to user, but often include a heightened libido and uncontrollable mood swings.
Turgidax promises the user an overnight tripling of penis size, which is alleged to both improve cardio-vascular health and also sexual attractiveness. You can find it here.
Likely side effects not mentioned by the advertisment include heart palpitations, heightened blood pressure, hypertension, narcolepsy, and having your penis explode like those people’s heads did in “Scanners“.
Related Drugs: Toxin X-7
Urizen is named for one of the gods in William Blake’s mythology for England, a deity who sought to impose reason on the world. The drug named for him was quite the reverse.
Inspired by the American “Love Bomb” experiments, Urizen was a British project (and the involvement of un-named but shadowy government agencies in its creation is confirmed) that combined the drug-based aspects of Love Bomb with advanced genetic recoding. Urizen bonded to the spinal column of users, and became a part of their DNA, where it generated hormones that would achieve aphrodisiacal submission in the user by bypassing their conscious brain entirely. However, a single dose – usually administered by injection – lasts only 14 and a half hours, and can be over-ridden by extreme pain.
Related drugs: Love Bomb